What Was I Thinking?

My New Blog Spot

2007-01-14T23:39:00.000-05:00

Just wanted you all to know that I've found a new place to blog...

http://blog.myspace.com/poppycorn95

Hope you will all join me there. My husband and I are TTC - hopefully in May or June and I'm posting all my updates on my myspace account.

Anna

Busy Busy Busy

2006-12-15T13:00:00.000-05:00

My life is so busy! *lol* It seems like I never have time to post anymore. I'm sorry for those of you who still check in here. I'll try to do better at posting more often. Can't promise it'll happen, but I'll try.

So what's been happening? Well I'm babysitting for my cousin. Her daughter is almost seven months old, and is really starting to interact with me. I have her twice a week while my kids are in school. So far it's not too hard to watch her, and it's giving me my baby fix.

What else? I signed up for college again. I already have an Associates Degree in Business, but I'd like to have something I can actually get a job with making a little better money. I don't want a job right now, of course, but I'd like to have a good degree to fall back on. So I'm going to get a Computer Information Applied Associates Degree from my home! Yep - all internet classes! I'm VERY excited!!

We're gearing up for Christmas around here. I've offered my foster children's grandmother the chance to have her three grandkids for Christmas. They'll be at her house until Christmas Evening, then they'll come home for OUR Christmas. I thought it was more important for them to get to be with actual family than with us. Plus it helps not having to buy Santa presents for them. We're still giving them a Christmas though.

Guess that's the update for now. Emily is demanding attention...

Vegas Trip Was Awesome!

2006-10-29T10:35:00.000-05:00

My husband and I recently left for Las Vegas for four days. We decided we needed a grown up vacation without any children. Partly because we're foster parents are were feeling VERY burnt out, and partly because we hadn't had any time as a couple in almost a year. It's very difficult when you have seven children in the home to get out and do anything fun!

So anyways, Matt and I - along with his parents - went to Las Vegas last week. We stayed at the Excalibur Hotel and had a blast! We walked most of the strip and visited almost every hotel on the strip. I have to say that the Venitian was my favorite decor, but Circus Circus was were I won big!!

Speaking of winning... I won... $1058.00 on ONE slot machine!!!!! It was awesome! The bells and whistles were going off, and people were stopping to see what was going on. Then ten minutes later my husband won another $300.00!!!!!!!

It actually worked out that we came home with $1400.00!!! After factoring in our hotel costs, our airline costs, and our food while we were there. We actually came home with about $115.00 more than when we left! *hehe* But it was so much fun!!

Matt made me go to the Hilton's Star Trek attraction while we were there. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I am NOT a Trekkie!!! But he enjoyed it, so it was worth it.

All in all it was a great vacation. We came home relaxed and ready to be parents again!! Of course, we didn't factor in the fact that the kids were going to be all over us and demanding our attention then minute we walked through the door!!! But it's ok. We're both refreshed enough now to handle them.

Now ask me again in a week and I'll probably be ready to pull my hair out! But for now, it's all good.

I love gymnastics!

2006-10-13T10:35:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow my daughter has her second gymnastics meet of the year. I'm really hoping she does her best! This is her second year in Level 4 gymnastics, and she's really enjoying it!

I absolutely love gymnastics! I don't just love watching my daughter perform, I love watching all the girls. They don't even have to be on my daughter's gymnastics team for me to root for them. My husband just doesn't understand it. He likes watching Jenna for the few minutes that she performs, but otherwise he is perfectly happy reading a magazine.

That's why when I go to Jenna's gymnastic meets I usually take my mother or go alone! It's just more fun when I don't have him sighing in boredom! Plus it saves on babysitting fees. If he's not going to enjoy it then it's a lot easier to leave him at home with the six other kdidos.

Not to mention that it's my break from everything. I love sitting there for three hours knowing that I have nothing important to be doing. I don't have to worry about the kids getting in trouble in the back rooms. I don't have to worry about what is for dinner. I don't have to worry about entertaining my husband. I can just sit there, zone out if I want too, and enjoy watching my daughter at her best sport.

Now I just went to take Conner to Indianapolis to be tested for gymnastics. He is in the boy's class at our local gym, but they don't have a boy's gymnastics team here. This other gym was very impressed with Conner and said they would immediately move him to Level 4 and start him competing in December!!!!!!!

Unfortunately I can't do it. The hours they practice and the 1.5 hours it would take to even get to the gym make it out of the question. But I did find one in Lafayette that is only 45 minutes away from us. They only practice twice a week for two hours. I'm still trying to convince Matt to let me sign him up.

He is worried about the money, the gas, and the fact that I would be gone for 4 hours twice a week. And I understand his concerns, but we gave Jenna the opportunity to grow into a team gymnast so we need to give Conner the same opportunity.

Not to mention that I LOVE gymnastics and know that he'd be an awesome gymnast! If only I could talk our local gym into starting a boy's gymnastics team. Right now they are just not interested.

Are you just being you?

2006-10-10T08:35:00.000-04:00

"Are you just being you, or are you like, on your period?" That's the question my 11 year old daughter had the nerve to ask me this morning. Yeah she's still alive, and No I didn't act on any of the thoughts going through my head.

And what, you may be asking, brought on her comment? She is selling crap for a school fundraiser and I wouldn't let her spend $21 on three items so she could have a $.50 bracelet. Apparently they have deadlines on when certain amounts need to be sold before they can get any prizes. Well I'm sorry, but I don't have the extra money right now to help all four kids in the school sell $20 worth of products for a cheap bracelet.

Drama. It's everywhere in my life right now. And unfortunately, I'm having to stop and think about Jenna's question. AM I just being me? Am I really turning into a period crazed hateful woman even off of my period? If so then I need to make some major changes. Because I don't want to have my children look back on their childhood and think of what a horribly mean mother they had.

I'll tell you what my problem is. I'm overworked. I may not have a job outside the home, but I sure work enough for three working women while I'm home. For one I'm never here. I'm constantly running these kids around. for another the laundry is NEVER ENDING!!!!!!! And I'm just so tired.

Something has to change. I want to be the fun-loving mother I was when my kids were little. Somehow someway I'm going to have a better attitude. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. Right now I'm not feeling nice. In fact I wanna just SCREAM! *ugh* I need to go back to bed.

So I'm a Little Obsessive

2006-10-02T10:27:00.000-04:00

I'll admit that. When I find a project that I enjoy I am all into it. Take scrapbooking. I went to one party and had such a good time that I just HAD to purchase the entire Creative Memories starter kit! But that's not all, I then had to buy every tool I could find to do with scrapbooking. Didn't matter that I didn't know how to use most of it, I had to do it! And heaven forbid I see a sales add for Hobby Lobby or Joann Fabrics! If I know there are scrapbooking supplies on sales, well...I just have to go! How can I resist a 40-50% off sale?!?

Well my latest project has been the no sew blankets. My friend thought she was being a good friend and gave me the instructions on how to complete them. So of course I had to try it out to see if it was as easy as she said. That's all it took.

Man alive. My husband is ready to kill me! I've spent a good $530 in two weeks on fabric. BUT in my defense, it was all on SALE!! Joann Fabric Store was having a 50% off sale on their fleece fabrics. But it's sort of his fault.

You see I was just minding my own business making a blanket for Macie's bed when Matt walked in and started going on and on about how little time that it took me and how they'd make GREAT Christmas presents. He actually suggested that I make them for everyone.

So in all honesty it was my husband's fault. He gave me total control of getting Christmas presents for my ten siblings, my two sisters in law, and of course, blankets for both sets of parents, the grandparents, and one aunt.

In two weeks time I have completed 27 fleece blankets. Obessed? Yes I am. Burnt out? You betcha I am! My poor fingers are killing me! Especially my cuticles. They are raw and so sore right now. Not to mention the fact that I had to take a three day break from making these blankets, because I damaged a nerve in my left hand.

But these blankets are so cool looking! Not one of the kids' blankets are the same. And they really are super fast to make. The worst part is tying all the little knots together.

The good news is that I only have three more blankets to make and then I'm DONE WITH CHRISTMAS!!!! Never again will I attempt a crafty project like this for Christmas. It's too time consuming, and when we added up all the money we spent on fabric, we realized these really weren't cheap to make! About $20 per blanket. Which isn't really bad, but it's a little more than we should have spent on all my mom's kids.

Oh well, this is something they can use for years, and I know they'll love them. Now I'm off to see if I can finish these blankets once and for all. Hopefully Matt won't think of anyone else that needs one. (He's good at that!)

Here Comes Christmas

2006-09-30T09:30:00.000-04:00

I can honestly say that I am not looking forward to Christmas this year. It's so hectic for us that it's not really enjoyable. Oh sure I love to get together and see all the family members, but we have seven Christmas parties to attend every year.

Yes you read that correctly - SEVEN.
1. Our family Christmas (Christmas day)
2. My parents' house (Christmas eve)
3. Matt's parents' house (Christmas day)
4. My grandma's house(Christmas eve)
5. Matt's dad's extended family's house (Weekend before Christmas)
6. Matt's mom's extended family's house (Weekend before Christmas)
7. My grandpa's house (Christmas day - if we go)

And HEAVEN FORBID you don't go to a party. The world will come to an end, the silent treatment will be unbearable, the guilt will be laid on thick. It's just NOT acceptable to miss a Christmas party.

It doesn't matter that we have seven children, and that all but two of the parties require us to purchase our OWN gifts for the children. I mean really, we must be made of money, right? But forget about trying to go without a gift. Why it just isn't Christmas if the kids don't have at least one gift to open at each party.

We found out the hard way that extended family members feel that foster children should NOT get the same amount of gifts as the adopted/biological children. It's obvious that they still have family members who purchase Christmas for them on their visits and it's not right for them to get more presents that our own kids. (So they say). So we always have to purchase a few extra gifts to sneak in in case a grandparent or aunt attempts to give uneven gifts out. Now I agree that gifts should be even. But a child does not understand why they don't get a gift and other kids do. It's not their fault they are in foster care. But family members (Not all, but several) just don't understand that as long as the children are in our home, they ARE our children. And they get the same gifts and attention that our own children receive.

So anyways, we have two more months until Christmas and I am so not looking forward to the parties. Just once I'd love to be able to stay home and let the kids have a Christmas at home - where they could actually play with their toys, lounge around in their pjs, and just enjoy the relaxation. But alas, when you live within fifteen minutes of every relative, it's just not possible.

Adoption Day

2006-09-28T10:20:00.000-04:00

It only took eight years; but my daughter is finally going to have my husband's last name! We go to court at 1 pm today to make it official. Matt has always been her daddy, and we've always called her by my husband's last name; but it'll be nice to have it all legal.

It wasn't an issue when she was younger, but the older she got, the more upset she would get when we used my maiden name at doctors offices. She always knew she had another dad out there, but Matt has done such a wonderful job of being Daddy that she hasn't really asked too much about him. (And he's completely out of the picture - thank God!)

The reason it took us so long is that we just didn't have the extra $1000 to make it official. It seemed really silly when she was already known by my husband's last name, and he was already her daddy. But we finally saved enough, and know it's time.

To say she is excited is an understatement. She talked her way out of skipping the entire day of school today, she's gotten a knew outfit to wear to court, AND she's asking to go to Red Lobster after court! Thankfully we have all the other children at school so we can actually afford to take her out to eat!

Anyways, just wanted to share our good news! Three adoptions down - hopefully one more to go!

Court - the Wasted Experience

2006-09-26T15:31:00.000-04:00

It really is a waste of time to go to court when you have children in foster care. Oh I know they want us to go and look good for the judge. You know, show that we're supporting our foster children 100%. But really, when you have to wait 30 minutes outside the courtroom for less than 10 minutes of actual court time it's frustrating.

It's especially frustrating when the birth mother has stated over and over to me, to caseworkers, to her lawyer, and anyone else willing to listen - that she wants me to adopt her child; and yet the judge and lawyers continue to make us wait. Her lawyer received the voluntary termination of parental rights paperwork about three months ago, and yet he is advising her to wait until the 9 month review hearing (permanancy hearing) before signing off.

It's crazy! She misses over half of her scheduled visits, she isn't following through on the case plan created for her, and she WANTS me to adopt her child. And I want him to be mine forever.

And then I have my sibling group of three. We have to go back to court for them next month I believe. It may actually be a little bit better; but so far every hearing has consisted of the dads saying they'll do more and that they want the children, and the judge stating things are to remain the same. Nothing changes.

Oh well, at least by going to court I know from the start what is taking place instead of having to wait for the caseworkers to find time to get me up to date.

Hard Times

2006-09-22T08:27:00.000-04:00

It seems like forever since I posted to my blog. Looking back it HAS been forever. But what can I say, life got in the way again. Alot has happened since I last posted. But I'm going to only post about one or two things that are on my mind.

So here is the sad news. My sibling group of three's bio mother just had her jury trial. It was decided that she was guilty on all four counts of charges. She has already been in jail for a year and a half, and with the guilty verdict they are saying that the earliest she can get out is 29 years; and the max sentence she can receive is 58 years (I think). Although I knew that she was more than likely going to be convicted, I was still surprised it was decided in only four hours.

So now I have to figure out how to tell the oldest foster child that she isn't going to see her mom anymore (they are proceeding with termination of parental rights). This is going to be horrible conversation. And even though I found out yesterday about the guilty verdict, the caseworkers want me to wait until after school today to tell the oldest. I think it's a mistake to wait though. The news has been plastered on every radio station, tv news station, and newspaper in the state. I have shielded her as best as I can from hearing about the trial, but I know someone is going to mention it at school and then she'll feel deceived that I didn't tell her first. She does know that the trial is taking place though, but that's it. But the caseworkers are adament that I say nothing until after school.

And as weird as this seems, I feel horrible for the biological family. I have really come to like the great grandparents on the mom's side of the family and feel that they are wonderful people. I can't imagine the grief they are feeling knowing that their granddaughter is going away for possibly life. :(

So wish me luck. This is going to be a really emotional weekend. Although I won't really feel the brunt of their grief until Sunday night. The siblings are going for a weekend visit with the grandparents tonight after school. The grandparents would love to have the kids for good, but they are just too sickly to care for them long term.

Officially 30

2006-08-17T11:41:00.000-04:00

I'm officially the big 3-0. I have one mean friend who made me an "over the hill" graphic for another group we belong too. Wasn't that mean of her? I don't FEEL old. Well actually I do, but I don't feel that old!

Anyways, I don't really have any major plans for celebrating my birthday. The kids have soccer practices, and gymnastics so we can't really go out. Maybe I'll talk my husband into getting take out for dinner...

Well I'm off to get the kiddos ready for preschool and kindergarten. Will post later if I get a chance. Honestly I was just on here to update my info to my new age.

Yahoo!!

2006-08-14T15:57:00.000-04:00

One more day until my kiddos will be back in school again! It'll be so nice to finally have most of my afternoons to myself again. I might actually get some housework done. *gasp* My husband won't know what to think of a clean house. It's been months since he's seen one. (Ok that's a lie. He saw it a few days ago when the social workers had to come for a home visit; but it's a mess again!)

If I can manage to keep C awake until after D goes to kindergarten, then I'll actually have up to two hours of freedom EVERY day while he naps!! It'll be a stretch though. C normally conks out around 11:30 at the latest, and D won't go to school until 12:45. Still, it'll feel like a vacation just having him home and the others off at school.

I'm hoping to do some "once a month" cooking while the kiddos are out of the house. I don't do the full blown make 30 days worth of meals and freeze them; but I do a smaller version of it. I cook all my meat and freeze it in freezer bags. That way the kids can just grab a bag, pop it in the microwave, add the ingredients from the Hamburger Helper box, and have a meal in 15 minutes. It's a great way to save time, and it SURE makes it easier to figure out what's for dinner each evening.

Other than cooking and cleaning, I probably won't have time to actually enjoy the break from the kids for a week or two at least. Then I'm hoping to actually (get this) have a BATH!!! Without fingers poking through the bottom of the bathroom door!! Or maybe I'll start a book, or *giggles* maybe I'll scrapbook again.

Oh I'm sure I'll eventually miss having my kiddos at home full time, but for now, I'm dreaming of the things I'll accomplish while they are at school. And I know I'll have the weekends to remind myself why I'm go happy they are back in school!!

Is it bedtime yet?

It's Amazing

2006-08-07T08:20:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how just getting away for one entire day without children can make my entire attitude change. Yesterday my dad and I went to the Brickyard 400 Nascar race. My wonderful, loving, sweet, caring, and absolutely insane husband kept the children so I could have a day away.

Now don't get me wrong, he didn't have all seven of mine (the sibling group of three B,D,M were on a visit until 9 pm), but he picked up my two younger brothers, and my 2 year old neice and 5 year old nephew!! He was supposed to drop the brothers and the other two off at my mom's house; but he chose to keep them with him here at the house to play. (In other words, he was too lazy to load all the kids in the car and drive 30 minutes to my mom's house to drop them off).

But back to me. For several weeks I've been having feelings of being a bad mother, bad wife, bad person in general. I was going through some major "poor me" attitudes. I was snapping at everyone around me and just wanted to be left alone. I felt like I was giving every single scrap of myself to everyone and not getting anything replenished... Horrible feeling I know, and I'm sorry I felt that way. In all honesty, I was actually to the point of wanting to quit fostering because I knew I wasn't giving ANYONE the attention they needed - nor did I really have any desire too...

It didn't help that I was running non-stop for my children. If we weren't at gymnastics, we were at choir. If we weren't at choir we were at t-ball, if we weren't at t-ball we were at soccer info meetings, if we weren't that soccer we were at doctor or therapy appointments. If not at therapy, you could find us on foster family visits (pick up and drop offs). It was nuts...and as I looked at my calendar, I could tell it's not going to get any better until after October 21st.

So with all these thoughts in my head, I just needed to get away. But it's amazing to me just how refreshed I DO feel today. I feel like actually taking all seven children to the park *gasp* by myself *faint* and tackling the indian trails *picking up jaw from the floor*.

Thanks to the local radio station, my dad, and my husband I feel like I can take on the world again. And it's a good thing because here is our schedule starting the third week of August...

Oh and this isn't including my Under 6 soccer practices, or my Under 12 girls soccer practices (we haven't gotten their schedule yet)...

* Mondays - Children's Choir (4:30-6)
* Tuesdays - Foster Family Visit (4:30-5:30), Children's Choir (4:30-6), Gymnastics (6:15-8:15)
* Wednesday - Foster Family Visit (4:30-6:30), Gymnastics(6:15-8:15)
* Thursday - Foster Family Visit (11:00-5), Soccer Practice (5:00-6), Gymnastics (6:30-7:30)
* Friday - Gymnastics (4-6:30)
* Saturday - Gymnastics Meets (twice a month) 3 Soccer Games (Times vary from 8 am to 7 pm), Foster Family Visit (depending on soccer games, they might carry visits over to Sundays) (9:00-9 pm)
* Sunday - Hopefully nothing but possibly a Foster Family Visit if games last too long on Saturday

Now do you understand why I was losing it? I'll have absolutely no time to myself because after the activities for five children we'll still have to tackle homework, baths, dinner, and family time. I'm just so thankful I got a day away before the craziness turns full force.

I Won, and Other Cool Info!

2006-08-02T21:16:00.000-04:00

I won, I won, I won!!!!! Again!!! I was listening to the radio station and heard "Be the 9th caller" so of course, my hand automatically dialed the phone number. On my second try I heard "Congratulations you're the 9th caller!!! So what did I win? Two Brickyard 400 Nascar tickets!!! I have to drive to Indianapolis to pick them up tomorrow, but it is SO worth it!!

I'm going to take my dad to the race. He loves Nascar and always records the races if he can't watch it when it is on tv. I used to watch the races with him, but haven't really had a chance in the last few years. Still, I am SO SO SO excited to be going!!! It's this Sunday!!

In other news, I just found out that Jenna's Level 4 state gymnastics meet will be held in our home town!!!!! Last year we had to drive two or three hours away in order for her to compete, so it's a HUGE blessing to be able to have it in our own gym!!! Plus all of our family can come and watch this meet without driving forever to see it.

So that's my good news for the night! I won, I won!!!

I'm Pathetic

2006-07-29T09:31:00.000-04:00

*hehe* It's 9:30 am and here I sit at the computer. Why? Because Toby Keith tickets go on sale here in 30 minutes!!!! And I am GOING to this concert.

Doesn't matter that we are broke. Doesn't matter that we have five birthdays in the month of October, and the concert is October 1st. I am going!!

I have three favorite country singers - Collin Raye will probably always hold my number one spot. (I just LOVE his You can't overlove your underwear song commercial...it's the first thing he's put out in YEARS!!). Trace Adkins is tied with Toby Keith for my second favorite and third singers.

Why? Because they are AWESOME!!! Their voices are so talented, their songs are catchy and stay with you. (I woke up to It's a little too late from Toby this morning in my head). And it doesn't hurt that they look pretty good in those cowboy hats!

So here I sit. It's officially 9:32 now. And i'm debating on whether to spend the $25.00 and join Toby's fan club so I can go ahead and purchase my tickets. That way I wouldn't have to sit here refreshing the ticketmaster web page every few minutes. *hehe*

Yes I'll admit it. I'm pathetic. But BOY what a concert this will be!

The Perfect Mother, Wife, and Housekeeper

2006-07-27T08:45:00.000-04:00

I was watching tv the other night and saw the mother with 16 children. She had this beautiful house, her children were dressed, their hair was combed, not a toy was out of place, and yes - the children were actually getting along. How rare is that?

This made me take a look at my own home. I have 7 children, half are still in their pjs, the others have mismatched clothes. Most of these children are currently arguing and/or fighting over stupid toys, and screaming at me to do something about the other kids messing with them. The dishes are piled in the sink, the kitchen floor is in desperate need of being mopped, and toys are scattered in every single room of my house (including my bedroom).

But then I remind myself, she was on camera, and I'm not. I bet you anything if I knew a tv crew was going to be filming me that I would look like the perfect mother. My children would be dressed in matching clothes, not a dish would be out of place in my house, and by gosh by golly - the cobwebs would be OUT of the corners of the walls!!

Alas, that's not the case. So for now my poor children will have to make do with a stressed out mommy who sometimes manages to find matching socks for them to wear. My husband will have to tolerate a wife who is usually too tired and worn out to give him the attention he craves. My house will always be in need of dire housekeeping upkeep.

But you know what? My children will be happy (most of the time), my husband will be satisfied (most of the time), and my house will be clean enough to live in, even if it is cluttered. I'm not supermom. I never claimed to be. I'm just your every day stressed out mommy to many. Someone who knows her limits and has children too young to really help out much, but old enough to create massive amounts of clutter and issues. I'm a wife who has a loving supportive husband who tries to help out, but who thinks helping me clean out the closets and garage are ways of getting the house looking good.

And know what else? I'm happy - most of the time - with the way my life has turned out. Yes I'd love to be the perfect mother of many; but it's not going to happen in this lifetime. So I'll settle for being one who struggles but gets through each day (even as I count down the minutes until I can drop a few off at daycare!!). And I'll remind myself that God doesn't give us more than we can handle - even though sometimes I wonder about that. So I will survive. And so will my family - whether they like it or not.

Almost the big 30...

2006-07-20T09:57:00.000-04:00

Why is it when you get to be about 30 years old your body starts to fall apart? Oh... Maybe it's just MY body. Maybe most other almost 30 year olds are in perfect health and are happy and healthy. Hmm...that's something to think about.

Of course, I've never been like most other people my age so why should I start now? I went to my eye doctor yesterday because my eyes have been driving me crazy - blurry vision, tearing up, yucky sleep in the corner of my eyes all day and night long, ect. The eye doctor says "Yep, you've got allergies all right." and handed me a perscription for allergy eye drops.

So off I go to the doctor to talk about allergies. I want the test to find out exactly what I'm allergic too, but the doctor refused to refer me unless I saw him first to discuss my allergies. I calmly explain to him how I'm constantly sneezing, blowing my nose, coughing, and just feeling icky. How certain foods (sour cream chips for one) cause me to get sores in my mouth, upset stomach, and all that stuff. He talks to me for over an hour about different symptoms I'm having and says "Yep, you've definately got allergies." He's thinking seasonal, indoor, and possibly food allergies.

Course he also made a comment about how I'm acting like the Dr Dolittle movie. You know, the woman with the Shellfish allergy? She knows it is going to upset her and cause hives, and yet she still goes ahead and eats it? Well he said that's me and my sour cream chips. I know it's going to tear me up from the inside out, and yet as long as they are in my house I'm gonna eat them. (They are just SO GOOD!!!)

And it's not fair really. I went for 27 years without a SINGLE allergy issue. For that matter I went for 27 year without hardly ANY illnesses. But the closer I get to the big 3-0, the more my body is falling apart. Is there going to be anything LEFT of me when I reach 40?

Anyways, enough of the pity party. I've got kids to deal with, a house to clean, and appointments to attend. Off to take the first four of my five allergy medications for the day. Ah the joys of growing up...

Quiz - a friend wanted this on here!

2006-07-16T10:27:00.000-04:00

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
Omnipotent Father, (A devotional - so only two words on line 4)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
Gags of Giggles Dot do Dot Joke Book, Matt's bill pile, and a bunch of papers I'm supposed to go through when I get time.

3. What was the last thing you watched on TV?
America's Got Talent (we recorded it and I was catching up)

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
10 something

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
10:29

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Too many children's voices. Lots of screaming, tattling, my husband snoring.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing
Last night. Picking up the kids from their family visit.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Kendra's Blog

9. What are you wearing?
Matt's t-shirt and my flip flops

10. Did you dream last night?
Not that I remember

11. When did you last laugh?
Yesterday reading a book

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Pictures of historic sites around my town, family pictures, smoke detector

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Not unless you count my dad's swimming pool water turning green.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
It's ok

15. What is the last film or video you saw?
Thinking, thinking... Aquamarine

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A bigger house, pay off my debt, fund an orphanage for the best care and assistance.

17. Tell me something about you that I do not know.
No matter where I am, who I'm with, or what I'm doing, I can always count on a story being played out in my head - all I have to do is tune is and I'm swept in the land of make-believe.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Change the care in the orphanages so that all children felt loved and cared for. Either that or make Hemophilia research a top priority.

19. Do you like to dance?
Not in front of people, but I do like to dance before God when the kids are asleep.

20. Comment to George Bush:
Keep up the good work. We may not agree with all the politics, but you are our leader and because of that I'll respect you and pray for you as you lead our country.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
She was - Jenna Marie

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?--
He was going to be Jacob Bradley

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes, if my family was with me.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gate?
Good work, welcome home

25. What one book, besides the Bible, has changed your life?
The dictionary. It's taught me how to spell. :)

26. 1-2people who you would like to also do this quiz on their Blog.
MJ
Melissa

Frustrated and Shouldn't Be...

2006-07-16T10:15:00.000-04:00

Honestly I know why this happened, I understand why they act this way, and I know it isn't going to change...but it's still frustrating as all get out!

Yesterday my sibling group of three had an all day (12 hour) visit with their great grandparents. Well this visit grandma had called me to see if I would let Jenna tag along. Apparently they were going to go swimming at her son's house, let the kids possibly ride the horses, and have a bonfire that evening.

I have to tell you, even though I love these people and trust them enough to send my daughter along, I was VERY hesitant to let her go with them for 12 hours. Not because of them, but because of M - the nine year old. She is super jealous and her and Jenna fight like sisters, just bickering back and forth and trying to 1up each other... So I tried my hardest to talk Jenna out of going on the visit, but she was so excited to be invited that I couldn't NOT let her go, know whatI mean?

So off they went with my daughter along. Fast forward 12 hours. Great grandma calls me to tell me the kids are going for ice cream and would be at the drop off location shortly. The ice cream place is less than 10 minutes from my house... An HOUR and a half later they actually show up. I was just about to call my caseworker to report them missing, thinking all KINDS of nasty senerios in my mind...

When the kids got in the car, I could hear them arguing and really nastily talking to each other. Grandma was standing outside and overheard it as well. She shook her head and asked me if they act like this all the time. And I said, yes, they fight just like sisters, and she said they about drove her batty, and that she had to leave the room for a time out once because they were at it so much.

Talk about feeling like a fool. Here my daughter did NOT show her best side at someone else's house! Well later when I got her home I found out that she did NOT have fun at all. That M wouldn't let her talk to any of the cousins, and that everytime someone would go to play with Jenna that M would run and get in front of them and start talking to the person instead...
You know, normal jealousy stuff. And I do understand that it's because they don't get to see their grandparents as much as they'd like. And I know it's the only thing that is REALLY theirs...I know this... BUT... MY daughter has to share all her toys, MY daughter has to share all her friends, MY daughter has to share all her grandparents and relatives, MY daughter has be behave...

But in hindsight I knew it was going to be like this...and I knew that I was going to be upset with the oldest foster kid. And I am. *grr* It's just so frustrating.

Oh well, the joys of foster parenting I guess.

Staying Alive!

2006-07-03T22:56:00.000-04:00

Woohoo!!!! My parents are coming home in less than twelve hours, and then I'll be FREE!!!! *see me doing a happy dance?* I can't WAIT to get home to my own bed, my own BATHTUB, my own computer (which is much faster than this one), and my own set of children.

Today was a good day. We didn't have any major temper tantrums, and for the most part the kids minded really well. I think it also helped that I got to leave for two hours while my daughter had gymnastics, and again for another two hours when my sister had cheerleading practice. Now my husband is about ready to pull out his hair. (yes that is an evil grin you're feeling through the computer screen.)

Honestly though -all kidding aside - it hasn't been that difficult. Sure there were a few times when I wanted to pull my hair out, but it was surprisingly a lot easier than I expected it would be.

Some of the highlights?
- When Gracie (the five year old) asked me when her parents were going to be back from their field trip.
- When Conner (my six year old) was watching fireworks and said "Wow, that one went high up to Jesus."
- When C (my two year old) told me to get off the trampoline because I was going to break my neck and then I'd cry.
- Watching all the girls in this house laughing and joking about "Little Manhattan", and
"Aquamarine" movies. You can definately tell these girls are preteens.
- Seeing Macie (my two year old) overcome her fear of my parents' swimming pool.

I know there are a ton of other things, but I'm so tired that I can't think of them. Tomorrow my brother (who didn't bother coming out here and helping me ONCE while my parents were on vacation) is coming down with his family to celebrate my nephew's fifth birthday. We're having a pool party, and a cookout. As soon as it's over I'm going....HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! (WITHOUT any extra kids. Seven is enough...that is, unless I can talk Matt into letting me have a baby).

16 Children for 6 Days

2006-07-02T20:02:00.000-04:00

What WAS I thinking? Why did I ever think that I could handle 16 children for six entire days? I mean, why couldn't someone have warned me about how stressful, trying, tiring, and hilarious this was going to turn out to be? I should have known better honestly, but silly me, I wanted my parents to have a vacation - their first one in YEARS without the kids. So here I sit on day five trying to keep myself from completely losing my sanity and ignoring the children long enough to post to my blog.

So what ages are these angels you may be asking yourselves? And just who belongs to who? Well if you've read my info, you already know that I have seven kids of my own. Which leaves nine kids for my parents. (11 if you count my brother and I, but we don't count now that we're no longer living at home.) So the age breakdown is as follows... Macie - 2, C - 2, B -4, D - 5, Gracie - 5, Conner - 6, Addie - 7, Lea - 8, Papee - 8, Maya - 9, Lexi - 9, Daisy - 9, M - 9, Cecelia - 10, Jenna - 11, and Damon - 12.

Yeah tell me about it, I'm completely crazy. It honestly hasn't been that bad. For the most part these kids have been really good. We've spent most of our days in the pool (I'm staying out here at my mom's house) or inside watching movies. I seem to spend the majority of my time on my feet in the kitchen. These kids can EAT!!!

Today was a bad day. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed - which is never a good thing, and so I was really snapping at the kids and especially at my husband (who was sitting and playing a Star Wars computer game the ENTIRE day - and all of last night! *grrrr*). Well I was attempting to change into my swimsuit and the kids just would not leave me alone! They were pounding on the door and Daisy (my mom's newest daughter from Africa) had her ear against the door. I didn't realize this. I pushed the door open and screamed for the kids to get their butts outside. And as I opened the door, it connected with Daisy's head.

Boy did she bawl. You have to realize that when Daisy gets upset she gets UPSET. She weighs 95 pounds and is taller than I am. So here's a reader's digest version of her temper tantrum... Two attempts to run away - one she managed to get a mile down the road before my husband could get to her; two attempts to climb out of her upstairs window onto the roof, one attempt to call my parents in Los Vegas (did I mention she does NOT know how to use the phone or any of the phone numbers for my parents?), one kicking screaming fit - and last but not least, one unwanted plunge into the swimming pool fully dressed (by this point my husband wanted to beat her, but settled for dunking her to get her attention instead).

And the entire two hours we were dealing with this behavior, the GOOD children were stuck sitting on the side of the pool watching us and begging to get in the water.

And YES I will be paying my parents back for this torture. Matt and I have already decided that we're taking a weekend trip somewhere. We don't even care where. We just want to be AWAY from children for a while.

Ok, I've ignored these kids WAY longer than I should have... Looking around the room at the scattered toys and the fact that NO children are nearby. *hmmmm* Off to find out what they are up too...

If you pray, please pray that I keep what little bit of my sanity I have left, and that I can manage to hold it together for another day (and night). My parents should be returning bright and early Tuesday morning...

First Unsupervised Visit

2006-06-25T22:43:00.000-04:00

Today was my foster sibling group's first unsupervised visit with their great grandparents. For the first time in over a year they were allowed to return to their great grandparents home to play with family and friends.

I have to tell you that we were very excited that the date had finally arrived. We truely believe the great grandparents have had the children's best interests at heart. Not to mention the fact that the kids were extremely excited about the chance to go on this visit. So at 9:00 am the kids left our care for an all day visit.

Fast forward to 8:30 pm. We have picked the kids up from their great grandparents visit. They are happy, exhausted, and very excited to see us and tell us all the fun things they did on their visit. Imagine our surprise when the middle child informed us that they got to talk to their mommy on the phone.

Now this is bad because mommy is in jail, and the judge has court ordered no contact between the children and the mother. So anyways the mommy calls the great grandparents and finds out her kids are visiting. She asks repeatedly to be allowed to talk to them. Great grandma tries to tell her no, but eventually gives in and hands the phone over to the oldest child.

No one cries while talking to their mommy and this makes the great grandparents feel like everything is going to be ok. But then they realized what they had just done and informed the oldest that if anyone found out they had talked to mommy that they might not be allowed to go back for visits.

So of course the oldest starts making up a lie and saying that they talked to their aunt and not their mommy. She somehow convinces the five and four year old to tell the same lie. But the five year old had slipped and now we knew they had had contact. But still the oldest tries to lie her way out of it and continued saying it was just the aunt they had talked too.

Grr... So being foster parents we are required to report this kind of thing. It's extremely hard when you know that the kids love the great grandparents and you don't want to get them in trouble, but at the same time we have to protect the kids at all costs.

The caseworker was not happy about this, but agrees with me that we need to give the great grandparents one more chance. So she is going to recommend that they continue to have unsupervised visits, but they are to be placed on probation. And they are to be told in no uncertain terms exactly who the kids are and are not allowed to be in contact with on these visits.

Needless to say we had some very emotional foster kids on our hands this evening. We had to reassure them that we loved them and that we'd fight to keep them having grandparent visits, but that grandparents just needed to realize the rules and follow them more closely.

We have two weeks until the next visit. Let's all pray that it goes smoothly and involves no lying.

So Frustrating

2006-06-23T10:05:00.000-04:00

Sometimes being a foster mommy is so frustrating. Especially when you allow yourself to get super attached and then have to stand back and watch the parents failing once again and messing with the children's minds.

That's kind of the situation I'm finding myself in. C's birth mom chose to put him back in foster care. She told her lawyer, me, and my caseworker that she was going to terminate her rights so we could adopt him. So of course, that makes me attach myself even more to this sweet little boy.

Well then we have visit days. C visits with his mom (when she shows up) for five hours one day a week. C cries when it's time for these visits to occur. He doesn't want to leave my house. But we calm him down and he goes. While there his mom allows him to do whatever he wants. He doesn't have to listen, and he eats candy and junk food non-stop. When visit time ends a social worker brings him back to my home.

Apparently the last two times after his visits he has cried for half the way home wanting "MY (mom's first name). He doesn't call her mom - just My (first name). Then when he gets home he is very defiant, out of control, and very aggressive towards the other kids. Oh and did I mention that he is fussy and cries at the drop of a hat. Going from no rules, to major structure is very difficult for this little boy.

So my frustration is this... WHY does she play with his mind and get him to really like being at her home when she knows she isn't going to keep him?

We go to court on Monday at 3:30 for the dispositional hearing. I'm praying that the birth mom will tell the judge she is terminating her rights. This little boy needs to be a part of my family forever...

Vacation Anyone?

2006-06-19T13:43:00.000-04:00

I need a vacation. And thankfully my husband agrees with me. So I went online and just booked us a family vacation. Wanna know where? We're staying at an Ohio campground and taking the kids canoeing. Then we're surprising them with a two day trip to Kings Island!! I am SO excited!! We aren't going until July though, but that gives us time to save our money and prepare for the trip.

We aren't taking all the children. We've decided to leave the two two year olds and the four year old (who acts like a three year old) in a respite foster home. We just don't see how we can go canoeing with little ones, or how we would survive two days of Kings Island with the littlest two.

I sort of feel guilty for not taking them, but not enough to change my plans. We are only going to be gone three nights so it won't be super hard on them. And I'm hoping to keep all three in the same respite home.

Anyways, I'm off to figure out what we're going to need to buy to go camping in a few weeks!!!

Quick Update

2006-06-17T09:37:00.000-04:00

Just thought I would get on here and post a quick update on my life. It's been extremely hectic! *lol* But I like it this way...for the most part.

Swimming lessons are officially over!! For two weeks straight three of my seven children (the 4, 5, and 6 year old) have swam for an hour while my youngest and I watched from the window. Let me tell you, entertaining a two year old for an hour while trying to watch and make sure the other children aren't drowning because they aren't paying attention is hard work! But the kids had a blast.

What else? Well M, my 9 year old foster daughter went away to church camp for a week! She went down to southern Indiana and stayed in a cabin in the hills. She had a great time and came home in a wonderful mood. It was GREAT to have one less child to worry about for a week as well!! Especially since I knew she was enjoying herself and safe!

While M was gone, my daughter Jenna decided to have her "own" camp experience away from home. She stayed with my parents for two nights in a row, then managed to talk my Aunt into keeping her for the next two nights. I didn't see her for five entire days!! But she got the chance to swim, play with all my mom's kids, and help plant more flowers than I've ever seen in one yard!

Today is Conner and D's very last t-ball game!!! I am SO ready for that to end as well. They have really enjoyed playing, but it's so boring to watch t-ball!! They have gotten better and can actually hit the ball most of the time now!

What else? Today I have to pack Jenna up for gymnastics camp. She is going to be gone for four nights. *sniff* staying in a hotel with her friends (and one mother), and flipping around the gym from 8:30-4:00. I'm more worried about Jenna going to camp than I was about M going... I think it's because Jenna hasn't really ever spent much time without me, and she has anxiety disorder... But then again, it could be just because she is MY baby... you know?

Anyways, that's my update... I have to get off of here and get these kids ready for the day...

Wow!! What a Day!

2006-06-13T21:14:00.000-04:00

Well let me just start by apologizing for not posting yesterday about court. It was a GOOD court day all around. Here are the highlights.

At the sibling group court hearing (B, D, and M). Judge ordered them to remain in my care until at least August, but the criminal court trial won't begin against their mother until sometime in September; so we aren't expecting any major changes to occur in their case until after that time. We DID get overnight visits for the great grandparents every other weekend!! I count this as a positive because they really love these kids and these kids need to have them in their lives!

Now on to my foster son C. His birth mother surprised me yet again. She actually told me, her lawyer, and my case worker that she wants to terminate her rights, and she wants MY family to adopt C. She said she only asks that we allow her to continue to be a part of his life in some way and let him grow up knowing his brothers and sisters!!!!!!! Talk about a shocker! Now this IS the birth mother we're talking about, so at any time her mood could change and she could not follow through. But my caseworker thinks she really is going to allow us to adopt him.

Here is my concern though. I don't want her to have him WITHOUT me around once he is adopted. I don't want him to visit her every single week like he is now. I'd rather just see her once every few months, or send pictures or something. I think it will completely confuse him to continue to see his birth mother flitter in and out of his life. You know what I mean?

So we have to go back to court for C in two weeks (on a Monday). At that time we're expecting the birth mom to tell the judge that she wants to terminate her rights. She'll sign the paperwork and then we'll contact our lawyer and start the adoption process.

PLEASE pray that she follows through and allows us to adopt him. He's ALWAYS been our little boy, even that year when he was living with his birth mom (and all her friends and aquaintances)

So that's the update!!

Court Tomorrow

2006-06-11T09:16:00.000-04:00

Well tomorrow is the big day. I have court for two different foster care cases. One is at one o'clock and the other is at two. I'm hoping my mother will watch my littlest and my oldest so that I can attend...

The first will be for my sibling group of three (B, D, and M). I doubt very seriously that anything major happens at this court hearing. The mother is still in jail awaiting trial and so they can't be terminated or reunited until after that time. I am hoping that the judge allows the great grandparents to start unsupervised all day visits with the kids on the weekend; but again, not sure what the judge will do. These grandparents are great and deserve to have more time with the kids. They already understand that they can't have them forever, but I see nothing wrong with the kids knowing them.

The second one is for my youngest foster son C. I really hope his mother steps up and relinquishes her rights, but I fear that she is going to be selfish and keep him in foster care long term; either that or try to take him back. But she voluntarily placed him in foster care, and specifically asked for my family, so we have a little hope!

Anyways, just wanted to give you the scoop. I'll post an update as soon as I have one.

Lowering Cholesterol

2006-06-06T22:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, ok, I'll admit it. I have high cholesterol. It's not THAT high though, only 238 (doctor wanted it below 200) and my bad cholesterol is only 166 (doctor wanted it below 100). Well he informed me that I have to get it under control, so off to a low fat diet I go. (yeah right).

But really, I am trying to do better. I've decided to give this eating healthy thing a shot. I mean, it is SO not me; but if it keeps me from having to have heart surgery down the road, then I guess it might be worth it.

I'm starting slowly though. I joined a great website (sparkpeople.com), and have been tracking my eating stuff on there. I haven't tried any of their dieting meal plans (blah) because I'm too picky and they sound NASTY. But there is a way to add the foods that I DO eat. And if they don't have a certain food, as long as I have the nutrition info off the package, I can add it myself.

So I've really been trying to NOT eat the sour cream potato chips, and not eating as much chocolate or french fries, and trying to eat more apples, and (gasp) green beans. Yes I'll admit it. I ate green beans for two days in a row and they didn't kill me. In fact, I kind of liked them... KIND of...

But I've only been "really" eating healthy for two days now. I don't know if I'll be able to keep it up, but I figure anything I do to eat healthier is better than not eating healthy at all. Right? And like I said, I'm taking it slow. If I really want a Take Five candy bar, by gosh by golly I'm gonna eat it. I figure if I'm suffering through apples and greens then I should get rewarded with a sweet once in a while... (typing as I eye the candy bar on the computer desk... it's calling my name... but alas, I'll pass. I've had all the carbs and calaries I should have for the day.

No I'm not on this diet thing to lose weight. If I lose a few pounds I'll be happy, but I'd rather just feel less tired and less irritable. I read on that website that a high carb lifestyle leads to horrible mood swings, and stuff. And it's true of me. I'll let you know how it goes...

Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it - especially when Aunt Flo decides to come for a visit and I attempt to deny her the sour cream chips, garlic french fries, and take five candy bars she is craving... Who will win the battle? Me thinks it'll be old Auntie. ;)

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2006-05-22T12:48:00.000-04:00

I am so mad I could scream!!! Actually I have been screaming, and whining, and complaining, and venting, and just about crying all day. You see, when I purchased my 15 passenger van from the local Salvation Army Church, I was TOLD that my parents would be able to purchase the second van when their school bus arrived.

Well the school bus arrived today, so I go over to find out when the Major would like to sell the van. And the "so called Christian" liar said he was NEVER going to sell it to my parents, that it would be up to the NEW Major that was transferring at the end of June! *ARGH* I about lost it. I told him he never once indicated that my parents would be getting the van, and he said hemmed and hawed and said that nothing could be done until the end of June.

The ONLY reason I went ahead and purchased the first van was because I knew my parents were getting the second one. I NEVER would have purchased it away from them if I had known they weren't going to get the other one. They have more children than I do and have a greater need for it than we do.

Now I'm feeling really guilty, but above all else I'm mad as can be. How can you SAY you will sell something to someone (and he said it to me, my mother in law - who is the director of the daycare - AND to his secretary) and then turn around and change your mind.?!

Adoption and Trace Adkins Concert!

2006-05-21T13:54:00.000-04:00

*hehe* Gotta love that title right? So I'll start off telling you about how all the adoptions are coming along. The lawyer has all the paperwork needed to finish Macie's adoption! We're just waiting on the court to set a Final Hearing to allow her to be ours forever!! It should happen within the next couple of weeks!

Conner has to be readopted here in the United States in order to get an American birth certificate. Even though he was already completely adopted in Ukraine, Indiana does not allow that court hearing to be enough to get an English birth certificate. So the judge has set Thursday as Conner's adoption day!! He'll officially be recognized as being adopted. And it only took us six years to get around to finishing his adoption! But hey, it's costing us almost $700 to finalize an adoption that is already finalized!

As I told you before, Matt is adopting Jenna. We're waiting for the newspapers to finish the publishing of unknown birth father in the classifieds before we can complete the adoption. The lawyer is saying it'll be about a month before hers is completed. I'd rather look like a slut than have Jenna be put in danger by some crazy person...

Now on to Trace Adkins!! That concert was AWESOME!!!!!! We took Jenna and M to see it. Blain Larson, Trace Adkins, and Gretchen Wilson all performed for us. But Trace was by far my favorite!

Jenna absolutely had a blast! She was standing on her chair, dancing away, and singing along to the songs. She was yelling and just having a great time. She was really getting a kick out of the drunk girls behind us, and in all honesty, they were very polite and fun drunk girls. (Thank God!)

M on the other hand acted completely overwhelmed. She didn't smile once the entire time we were there. She kept looking around at all the people and giving them these weird looks. She kept putting her blanket over her head and trying to hide and in general, acted like she just didn't want to be there. (But afterwards she was telling everyone how much fun she had!) *go figure*

But all the performers put on a great show! Gretchen Wilson was a little to loud for my taste. Her country songs were awesome, but I just couldn't get in to her jazz or rock n roll songs. She tried to do a concert with every type of music included - to show that a redneck girl can sing all types. And YES she could sing them, but me - being a COUNTRY fan - wasn't impressed with the rest.

The one thing that bothered me about the outdoor concert was that someone around us was smoking Pot. Yep. I know I should have expected it; but it just really surprised me that it was at a country concert. And it was SO STRONG that I know my little girls got a slight buzz from the fumes. It was so noticable that the drunk ladies behind us kept commenting on it and looking for the source. Which we never did figure out who was smoking it. I did take that moment to take the girls to get a Funnel Cake though. The less exposed they were to that the better.

Of course, going out to get the Funnel Cake wasn't much better. *hehe* There were SO MANY drunks by that time. I just don't understand why people feel they have to drink themselves into fools to have a good time. The girls got to witness one girl literally being carried to the bathroom, they got to witness some drunks dancing in a circle around the beer stand, they got to see some guys diving into mud puddles on the lawn. You know, stupid drunk stunts. I used it as a way to explain to the girls why they SHOULDN'T ever drink. I think they got the point...

But even with the drunks and the pot it was well worth it to see the singers in person and hear the great music!! It was awesome! Now for October... Toby Keith!!!!!!!

Family Update!

2006-05-09T13:04:00.000-04:00

Several of my friends have asked what is going on with my life and my kids' lives lately. And so I thought I'd give a quick update here. Ok honestly it'll probably take you forever to scroll through all seven children's updates, as well as mine and my husbands! *lol* But it won't hurt my feelings if you just skim over parts of this!

I guess I'll start with me and Matt. We're doing really well. We purchased an above ground pool from Sam's Club and are trying to figure out how to level our backyard enough to put the pool in! Apparently having it level is a major deal, and our yard isn't near level! Matt is still working for the same computer company as before and "seems" to enjoy his job most days. He doesn't have much free time on his hands, and what little he gets is usually spent watching these children while I run one or two of them to different events. I spend most of my time running kids to and from events, picking up the house, and doing laundry. I feel like I never get any free time anymore!

Now on to the kids. This is honestly the most interesting part of the blog anyways!

Jenna - my baby turned 11 years old last week! We had her a slumber party at a local hotel and she and her friends spent the night swimming and hanging out. She's definately getting that "preteen" attitude and will burst in to tears if we just look at her funny! She thinks she's too big to play with toys, and wants to spend most of her time playing computer, scrapbooking, or flipping around the house. Did I mention she's got her ear glued to the telephone? Yeah that's started too!!

We've signed Jenna up for a four day gymnastics camp down in Indiana. The camp is only for training level 5 and 6 gynmasts. Now Jenna is just TRAINING level 5. If she doesn't get every single gymnastics skill, she can't complete level 5! But she's super excited to be going. Several of her gymnatics friends will be going as well so we parents will take turns driving down.

Jenna is also singing at Butler University on Saturday! Her children's choir is going to join five other choirs from the Midwestern States in a performance! She's super excited and nervous about this. It'll be her first time of being in a group that large. She is staying in a hotel Friday night and begged me to stay with her...so I am!! Matt will just have to deal with the kiddos. We are putting the other children in respite care Saturday around noon and they'll be picked up Sunday at noon!! So we'll have a little break to spend some quality time with OUR kids alone.

Conner is turning into a boy!! Yes I was worried about that! But he's almost all boy. He still likes to do cheers, pose like girls, and swish his hips to the music *lol,* but he also loves to see how loud he can burp, how far his spit will fly, and how fast he can ride his bike around the yard!! There is hope for the kid!

He's struggling with reading in kindergarden. He's now going to a special reading class 30 minutes before his real school starts and he seems to enjoy it. The teacher doesn't want to keep Conner back this year, so they are trying their best to get him ready for the first grade. They are however, asking that we get him a tutor for the summer to continue his reading skills. I know I personally won't have time or energy to sit down with him. (I know, terrible mom! But he honestly learns better when I'm not the one trying to teach him!)

Macie will officially be adopted later this month or early June!! We have our petition to adopt finished and are just waiting on a court date. She is currently in therapy to deal with her temper tantrums (they are by far worse than normal two year old tantrums!) and we're hoping she can learn some better coping skills. She IS only two though, so who knows how much she's actually benefiting from the therapy. It does make ME feel better having someone to vent too about my issues! Maybe it's more MY therapy than hers.

Macie is now in daycare and is almost 100% potty trained!! She is so smart it scares me sometimes! And she has such a great personality when she's not throwing her toys at our heads!

C is doing well with adjusting to our home. He's not telling us to "shut up" or saying "I don't care" or "NO I won't" as much as he did in the beginning. I think our routine and structured home have really helped him to adjust better. He loves to cuddle up to us and he's talking up a storm. He doesn't want to go on the potty train (as he calls it). He has absolutely no desire to go in the big boy potty!

B lost his first tooth last night! He came up to us and complained that his tooth was really loose and we thought he was joking! He IS only four (and a SMALL four year old at that!). But we felt inside and were shocked at how loose it actually was. It only took my husband about 10 minutes of playing with it to get it to come out! Boy was B excited!

He's still driving me insane. I hate to say that, but it's the truth. Today I found him on his hands and knees on the kitchen floor eating dog food with his MOUTH (not using his hands). I was just about sick! He also thinks it's a great game to tear every plant leaf off my plants and taste them as well. He pops all baloons and put everything in his mouth. BUT! He now knows his colors and can count to 10!! So there is a little hope for the kid.

D is still attached to my hip. She's in t-ball now. But she doesn't care about the sport. She wants to make sure she goes to the t-ball games because "my coach is bringing snacks and drinks for us, so we have to go." Yep. All she cares about is making sure she is going to get a snack and a drink. *sigh* Oh and during the games she will run from third base, all the way over to first base just to give the coach's wife hugs while out in the outfield!! She usually has to give her at LEAST three hugs a game. And she has to run over to me or Matt and hug us and say she loves us at least twice. And there are only two innings in t-ball games!! Yes she's still in therapy, but it doesn't seem to be helping her with the attaching.

M is upset with me right now. She is 9 and asked me to get her haircut. So I took her yesterday and the stylist couldn't even comb the back of her hair it was so tangled! They had to do a deep conditioning treatment on it. But M won't let me NEAR her hair at all! So the stylist decided that it needed to be cut short to make it easier to maintain. And I thought the haircut was very cute, but M HATES it.

M is so stubborn too. It has to be her idea, and she will stall around and not do what we ask her to do. She definately hasn't accepted that she's the child and that we are the parents. Every day we have a struggle with her trying to discipline the other children or tell us what to do.

I think that's everyone. We're getting ready to start summer swimming lessons next month. Conner and M may go off to summer camp at a local church. We'll definately be doing VBS for all the kids! We've signed all but two of the kids up for fall soccer league as well.

All in all, we're just super busy right now. Jenna goes to gymnastics three days a week, Conner and Macie go once a week, and M goes to cheerleading once a week. Then there is t-ball practice once a week, and t-ball games once or twice a week (depending on the week). Jenna and M go to choir once a week as well. Throw in family visits, therapy appointments, doctor's appointments, and school and you get ZERO free time!

So there you have it. The super long " what we're up too" message.

Wonder of Wonders

2006-05-09T12:54:00.000-04:00

Wonder of wonders, C's birth mother actually showed up for the visit today. Of course, how could she Not show when the caseworker bent over backwards and moved the visit an hour later so mom could sleep off her night of dancing in the local bar. I mean really, why should she have to get up early to see her kid when the social workers can just change the time?

Do I sound a little upset? Well I'm more than a little upset - I'm furious! Our agency has a three strikes and you're out rule. Meaning that if the parents miss three visits (especially in a row) that the visits are cancelled until they have a conversation with the birth parents. Unfortunately for C, we have a BRAND NEW caseworker who knows absolutely nothing.

This lady takes the cake!! She's done such a terrific job as a caseworker that she is being transferred to supervising visits and transportation duties. Still, I have to put up with her until the end of May.

Anyways, so this caseworker CALLED the birth mom (instead of waiting for the birth mom to call the agency) to find out why she hasn't been showing up for visits. Then she says that C really wants to see his mom. He doesn't EVER ask about her!!!!!! So this caseworker laid a guilt trip on the mom and changed the visit times. Now this interferes with my other foster children going to school, so the caseworker now has to transport C to and from his visits because I honestly can't do it!

This caseworker is trying to make it so that the birth mother ends up getting C back. Now birth mom officially PUT C in foster care. She was all for my family adopting him...until she started talking to my caseworker!!! *Grrrr*

I have a feeling that C is going to be removed and put back with his mom, and there won't be a dang thing I can do about it. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait and see how he acts this evening when he comes home. *sigh*

I just wish we had competent caseworkers who knew what they were doing. She even went so far as to exclaim very enthusiastically that C was going to visit his Mommy S. today!! And I got a "not so nice" attitude and told her to PLEASE not mention her name UNTIL she showed up for the visit; because C takes it very hard when he is told he is going to see someone and then they don't show up. She looked confused but agreed that that was probably a good idea considering we weren't sure birth mom was going to be there today...

No Show...Again

2006-05-02T13:02:00.000-04:00

I'm really getting sick and tired of loading five children into the minivan, driving twenty minutes acrossed town, sitting in the parking lot with five very impatient children for at least fifteen minutes, and then driving all five children back home again when birth mom doesn't show up. This is the FOURTH week in a row that mom has not shown up for a visit with C.

He only gets to visit with her one day a week. Visit is supposed to last from 10 am to 4 pm. And yet she can't make it. And she doesn't bother calling to say she can't make it. It's just so frustrating!

It's gotten to the point where I don't even tell him where we are going. I just say that we have to go to the agency and sit in the car. Normally one of my two social workers comes out to talk with us for a few minutes; so the kids don't even realize we're there to drop C off for a visit.

But I have had it. It's a waste of my time to transport to these visits, and my children have better things to do than sit in the minivan for an hour! So I told the caseworker to figure something else out.

Her solution? I am no longer allowed to just drive to the visit until AFTER the birth mother shows up. She will then have to wait on me to make the 20 minute trip acrossed town in order to visit with her son. Let her see what it feels like to have to sit and wait.

The only difference is that she won't have her other children with her. Who knows WHO is watching them...

I honestly wish she would just terminate her rights so that I can out and out adopt C. I'd do it in a heartbeat- even with his medical condition.

Praise God!!!

2006-04-27T14:03:00.000-04:00

Oh my gosh!!! I just got off the phone with my caseworker. She informed me that the county has agreed to give us 100% of Macie's adoption subsidy as well as Medicaid benefits until she is 18 years of age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is SO good!!!

The adoption worker told my caseworker that we need to have it stated in the court documents that we want the full pay rate, as well as medicaid. She said that once it is "court ordered" that even if the county goes bankrupt they are still required to continue paying the subsidy.

Praise God!!!

So we don't have to worry about how we're going to be able to afford to raise Macie or get her the therapy services she is going to need. The subsidy doesn't cover HALF of the costs of raising Macie, but it does give us a little padding to help us make ends meet.

I'm just about to start crying I'm so excited!! The county was trying very hard to get out of giving Macie even 1/4 of her adoption subsidy and didn't want to give her any medicaid benefits. But something helped them change their minds!!

Thank you all for your prayers!

Adoption Update

2006-04-26T23:00:00.000-04:00

As you may have read, we are in the process of adopting Macie. The parental rights have been terminated, the parents' appeal has been completed. Macie is now free for adoption!

But here is the problem. When we first accepted Macie's foster care placement we went into this knowing that we were more than likely going to be adopting her. My parents are adopting her older sisters, and we want to keep the sibling group close together. Well when we accepted Macie we were told that she would qualify for the federal subsidy.

What is this? It's basically where the government continutes to pay 75% of Macie's foster care fee as well as provides her Medicaid coverage until she is 18 or out of school. The reasoning? It allows more adoptions to take place because it takes away the financial burden raising another child brings. Now don't get me wrong. The subsidy doesn't cover everything! It honestly doesn't cover half the costs of raising Macie.

We are NOT fostering for the money. If we were we'd be broke! I spend way more than the subsidy we receive. But the subsidy does create a safety net for us. It's nice knowing that we can provide for Macie and set aside part of the subsidy for her first car or college or both!

So here is the issue. Now that Macie is free for adoption, the county she is from is now saying that she doesn't qualify for the federal subsidy. This boggles my mind because this sibling group has SO MANY issues! We're fighting with the county over this issue. They are trying to get out of giving Macie Medicaid as well as cutting her subsidy down to 1/4 her foster care fee.

My caseworker asked me to take Macie in for a therapy appointment to see if she qualifies for services. We presented all the problems we are having with Macie and of course Macie showed her bad side to the therapist (she was being really good before we got to therapy, and she was horrible afterwards as well).

Today I got a phone call from the therapist that she had written a letter to the county caseworker. She asked me to come in to her office and pick up a copy of the letter for my records.

After seeing Macie just one time, but also receiving a ton of paperwork from my caseworker on the family history of Macie; she has already decided that Macie has Reactive Attachment Disorder from Infancy to Toddler, as well as Adjustment Disorder (temper tantrums).

Wow. I knew we have been having some major issues with Macie's temper tantrums and behaviors, but I thought it was just two year old issues. The therapist assured me this is not normal two year old behavior.

So just pray that the county will allow Macie to continue to receive her Medicaid coverage. I don't really care so much about the subsidy; but the Medicaid will be a must to allow Macie to have the best chance to overcome these issues.

Children Are Our Downfall

2006-04-21T14:14:00.000-04:00

I've come to believe that it's the children who are going to kill off the human race. They are the ones that have been chosen to bring destruction to our world. Ok so I'm taking it a little far, but they ARE disease carrying card members.

I swear I have never been as sick as I've been this last year. Every time I think I'm getting over some illness, the kids bring home another one for me to deal with. And if I'm not personally dealing with them, then I'm helping my kids deal with them.

The latest batch? Let's see. Jenna brought strep throat back into our home. Now Conner, me, my foster daughter D, and my foster son C all are on antibiotics to get rid of it. D also has an ear infection, fluid in her lungs, and allergies. Macie brought home a nasty cold bug from daycare. Now me, and everyone but Matt are trying to get over this as well.

I'm telling you, these kids are trying to kill off the adult population. I feel like just crawling into bed and sleeping the day away, but no! I have to be mommy and nurse to all these little sick ones. If only I had a mommy to take care of me again....

But alas, I gave up that right when I had kids of my own. So I'll do the next best thing. I'll load my sick family into the car, drive to my mom's house, and infect her family. At least that way I can lay on the couch and let someone else deal with the kids for a few hours. They'll forgive me, right? I am after all their first born child...

My Latest Idea

2006-04-17T10:37:00.000-04:00

Ok. Call me crazy. I'll admit that I'm not quite all there most days. But I have had this desire for the past few weeks to "do something more" with my life. I don't know if it's a mid-life crisis, or just a fear of the future; but I want to go back to school.

Yes I know, I know. How in the world am I going to go back to college with seven children - five under the age of 7? But I was thinking of only taking one or two classes each semester. I think I "might" be able to handle it if I take it slow.

I'm really thinking of going in to the nursing field. My mom says that since I already have an associate degree in business that I should just go for an RN degree instead of an LPN certificate. She said that I have all the general classes already taken care of and could get my degree quicker that way.

I feel like I'm already a part time nurse as it is! I mean, I give my foster son medication through the port in his chest three times a week; and I also help give my daughter's friend her insulin shots when she spends the night. So I know I could handle the medication part of the nursing profession.

Now if we're talking about teeth *shudder* then I may have a problem. There is just something about seeing the tooth wiggle and hang in the mouth that makes me squirm. I know a dental field is out of the question. Teeth are my downfall!

But I really think the nursing field would be a good fit for me. They always need nurses and there are two hospitals, and almost 60 doctor offices in our town alone. Not to mention the nursing homes. So I don't think I'd have a problem finding a job. And I could probably support my kids on a nursing salary if something happened to Matt.

Matt says we can't afford for me to go back to school right now. And I honestly think I want to wait until at least fall - if not next spring before I really consider it. But I want to take it slow.

So what do you think? Am I crazy to even consider becoming a nurse when I have this many children in my home? The other concern is that my foster children aren't MINE. At any time the caseworkers can come and take them away. I need a skill that will allow me to be with my children when they need me, but also help out financially if something major occurred.

Now to convince my husband of this idea...

I'm Such A Pushover

2006-04-10T08:52:00.000-04:00

My brother calls me with a sob story about how his wife has to do a mandatory training session for work - in CHICAGO of all places. And he has to work all week and his boss won't let him off of work to watch his kids. So could I please help him out?

Translation? Will I keep his two year old and four year old night and day until Wednesday evening. Sure Brad, whatever you need. It'll only mean nine children total for me this week! Three 2 year olds, two 4 year olds, and my other 5, 6, 9, and 10 year old.

And honestly I don't mind. I haven't actually gotten to spend any time with my neice and nephew since March, and they are really good kids! But boy it's amazing how much more work and stress come with adding two more kids to the family.

Macie is taking it the hardest. She sees the new kids as competition for my time. So she wants held constantly. When she's not being held she's trying to take their toys and fighting with them. So far she hasn't actually played with them yet!

Actually it's all three two year olds that are the hardest. For those who mother multiples all the time, my hat is off to you. I don't see how you keep your sanity!

My biggest obstacle this week is going to be getting Conner to school while hauling four kids in need of carseats to and from school. And I'm supposed to walk Conner in to his teacher...but I'm going to have to see if I can recruit another parent to help me out with that. I just don't want to drag all these kids inside.

Ok, gotta go rescue the cat and dog from the children, break up a fight over who had the toy first, and get the others to quit banging on the piano keys! Did I mention I LOVE kids? And no matter what the headache I have by the end of the day, it's all worth it.

Age Appropriate Stupidness or Just Plain Stupid?

2006-04-06T09:46:00.000-04:00

Tell me... Is this age appropriate stupidness, or just Conner stupidness? Remember he's 6 years old.I woke up this morning to the sound of spitting. One would think maybe it would be the two year olds since they can't really vocalize their desires right? But no, I hear this nerve grating FAKE laughing coming from my son's top bunk bed, and once again...spitting. Then from below I hear C my two year old say "No spit, No spit Conner." *grr*

Fast forward two minutes (we'll bypass me storming like a banshee into the room, climbing up into the bunkbed and scaring my son spitless). He is now standing OVER the heating vent in the kitchen with D. They are enjoying watching the hot air fill their nightshirts (They sleep in my husband's t-shirts a lot) and are laughing that fake laugh of theirs. All of the sudden Conner says "Wow, look I've got big boobs." and proceeds to pull down his nightshirt and show his boobs to D. (which are NOT big by the way- just boy size). So again, I turn into banshee woman and remind the angels about appropriate and inappropriate sharing of body part information.)

Fast forward one minute. (we'll again bypass me stomping to the cabinet and taking my pms meds to keep me from doing bodily damage to the children and also me angrily handing Conner his ADHD meds). The darlings are now in the great room screaming and fighting with one another. All of the sudden I hear "I DARE you to kiss the wall Conner." And my dare-devil son starts "Smooch, smooch, smooching" the wall.

Needless to say, the sweethearts spent the first half hour of the morning sitting on the couch while I counted to 2000 in the kitchen and made breakfast. Here's praying that my diet coke caffeine kicks in soon, and that the children realize that mommy woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and that it's in their best interest to be angels for at least an hour today.

Mommy Anyone?

2006-03-27T20:53:00.000-05:00

Today my foster son C had his first visit with his mother since she placed him in foster care three weeks ago. He was hesitant to go to her at first, and then started yelling and crying "Don't leave me, don't leave me mommy!" to Me.

Yes he was calling me Mommy in front of his biological mommy. And he wanted nothing to do with her. He was reaching out to me and just not a happy guy. You'd think with it only being three weeks that he'd still remember her...but then again, maybe that's why he was reaching for me?

His mom was near tears and said she didn't wouldn't force him to go with her if he didn't want too; but her boyfriend was in the back telling her to just get in the van, and not talk like that. Seems to me like boyfriend wants C back with his mom.

So he had his visit and afterwards I hear from the caseworker that the mother wants visits THREE TIMES a week!!!! She said it's because he's already forgetting about her. Well the caseworker put her foot down and said no, one day a week for a few more hours. But mom was all upset and yelling and screaming at the worker.

She was really upset because she wanted my phone number and the DFC worker wouldn't give it to her. She said that to do that would mean the mom could bipass the DFC and court and just call me when she wanted to see her son.

So now I wonder how long I'll have C in my home. It seems like mom is no longer looking at terminating her rights... Guess I'll just wait and see. But I do know one thing. I'll enjoy having my little C for as long as I have him...and if he goes home, well... I'll still be praying for him.

Rude Awakening

2006-03-24T12:24:00.000-05:00

Just when we thought we had the house back to normal, my son had to go and mess it up! B only woke up once last night with nightmares, and my husband and I were really excited to get a little sleep.

Unfortunately, my son Conner had other ideas. He woke up twice last night to play, and on the second time (at 5 am) he was jumping on his bunkbed. Did I mention that he sleep on the top bunk? So he's having a good ol' time rolling around on his bed and jumping around, but he forgot that he had railings on the sides of his bed.

His nose connected with the railing and he received a huge gash that spanned the width of his nose! It honestly goes from one eye to the other eye! Blood was everywhere and he was screaming and crying out. We honestly thought that he had a nightmare and were pretty mean when we told him to be quiet before he woke the others.

It wasn't until my husband took him to the bathroom (the only way to ever get him to quiet down when he wakes up in the night...somehow going potty seems to help). Anyways, Matt took him to the bathroom and realized they dripped blood everywhere. What a shock at 5 am!

We decide not to take him to the ER because the blood finally clots and Matt decides it's too dangerous to allow Conner to go back to sleep! So they stay up and watch Sonic cartoons together.

Fast forward to 8 am... I'm trying to get the older kids out the door, get the younger kids dressed, and get started on our appointments for the day. I hand Conner his shirt and realizes that when he puts it on, he starts the nose bleeding again. *ugh*

So off we go to the doctor to make sure he 100% doesn't need stitches. Doctor informs us that it's too shallow for stiches, but to wide to do nothing. He tells us that Conner will have a nasty scar, and the size of it will depend on whether or not Conner will leave on the special bandaids...

Let me just say that Conner was NOT impressed with the cleaning of the wound OR the bandaids that pull his skin back together. He's been super whiney all day. But then again, the kids been awake since at LEAST 5 am! Hopefully this will break him of jumping on the bed!

Praise God!

2006-03-23T14:00:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh!! God is so good! I just got off the phone with my caseworker. Apparently B's biological father called to say that after hearing how badly B was reacting to the upcoming visit, that he was cancelling the overnight!!

I'm just in shock! My opinion of this man has changed for the better for putting B's needs before his own. I'm just praying that knowing he isn't going to have to spend the night without his sisters will help B overcome this anxiety causing him to act this way...

Scary Thoughts

2006-03-23T11:39:00.000-05:00

My mind is racing right now. I was just informed by my caseworker that C's mother has contacted them. After three weeks of no contact at all, she finally wants a visit with her son. Honestly that in itself doesn't bother me too much - the fact that she wants to see him. It lets me know she does care about him, you know?

But what bothers me is that since she voluntarily placed him in foster care, she is allowed to have him for two hour unsupervised visits. What if she runs off with him? Since she placed him in care, she has that right. What if she gets him for the two hours and realizes she wants him back? All she has to do is tell the caseworker that C no longer needs assistance and he's hers again.

It's all very scary. I've loved this little boy since he was seven months old. Yes he spent 14 months out of my home and with his relatives and mother's friends; but he's still my little boy. I would adopt him in a heartbeat if mom gives up her rights.

Just pray that she's content to just visit with him and not have him back in her home for good.

No Good News

2006-03-22T21:29:00.000-05:00

Nothing good to tell you all about B. He's still rocking violently, he's still not talking to us. He still wants to just lay in the floor or be on his hands and knees rocking.

He went to school today and the director called me. Apparently B was drooling (spitting) more than usual and according to the school thermometer had a 100 degree temperature. I picked him up and immediately took him to the doctor.

Well the doctor said that there was NO fever, no swelling or redness in the throat, no problems with the ears, no problems period. She felt that B's issues were emotional and not medically based.

The caseworkers were glad to rule that out, and said now they can have documentation that B is regressing due to the upcoming visit. His therapist is very concerned with his behavior and is scheduled to see him on Friday morning.

B is really worrying me. *sigh* He's slobbering like crazy, he's whining, he's rocking constantly, and he's just not himself.

Screw the Children

2006-03-22T12:23:00.000-05:00

That's basically what the Division of Family and Children's lawyer decided for our kids. I mean, honestly, is there really any reason why a sibling group of three should remain together? They aren't 100% biologically related after all. *rolling my eyes here*

I am so furious right now I could scream. Actually I HAVE screamed. And I've pleaded, and I've cried, and I've done everything in my power to get the court to change it's mind.... to no avail. B is going to have to start visiting overnight with his birth father starting Friday.

I'm extremely upset. The division of family and children is upset. Everyone is upset - except the birth father and the lawyer for the dfc. He basically stabbed the caseworkers' in the back. The lawyer didn't talk to the caseworkers, he just decided upon himself that since B's father is doing the BARE MINIMUM (And asking for NOTHING extra) that he is entitled to start having him overnight in addition to his weekday visit (of two hours). And this same lawyer saw no reason why B couldn't stay overnight at the same house where a baby was murdered (while B was in the home - mind you). I can thankfully say that THAT was overturned.

So the caseworker was forced to come out to my house and deliver the news to the children. That B would have overnights and the others wouldn't get to go. The result? Well the oldest of the group went through a wide range of emotions. She first stated she didn't care, then she tried everything in her power to get us mad enough to yell at her, then she wanted to cuddle and be close to us on the couch. :( She's not sure how to handle the situation. The middle child could really care less...

But B... Poor B. Ever since being told he's had nightmares. He woke up 4 times the first night and between 4-6 times last night. (I stopped waking up and let my husband take over). B is rocking violently and is refusing to talk to us. He'll point and whisper, but honestly he just wants to rock and be held. He's honestly not himself at all.

I'm extremely worried about him. He was so excited to be going to see his daddy again, and seemed happy about visiting overnight this weekend; but his behavior is unreal right now. :( I have calls in to the social worker, to the therapist, and to the preschool director to make sure they give me feedback and suggestions to helping B deal with this.

Pray for us, I don't know how long it's going to take before my B is himself again.

Grouchy Today

2006-03-17T07:42:00.000-05:00

I definately woke up on the wrong side of the bed. For some reason five of my children decided to wake up and run screaming through the hallway this morning! To put it nicely I was not a happy camper.

You see, my husband and I put the kids to bed about an hour or two later than normal - hoping they would sleep in a little bit. The older children don't have school today, and I was really looking forward to sleeping til at least 8 am. Of course it didn't happen.

It's almost like my kids have this internal alarm that lets them know when I need extra sleep, and that's when they decide to be at their worst. They are now laying back down in their beds while I'm up on the computer because I'm so mad at them. It's not helping though, because they are still yelling back and forth between the bedrooms.

I'm just waiting on my two oldest girls to go in there and start getting even. They are trying to sleep in and will just just as upset as I am if they get woke up.

We've just been running non-stop this week trying to adjust to having another child in our home, and we really need a little down time. Although we LOVE having C here!! It's just that the routine has been upset a little bit.

I'm sure it will all work out in the long run. I just have to drink me a diet coke, and make me some brownies and I should be feeling better. Off to let the rugrats up for the day. Wish me luck.

Why?

2006-03-16T12:14:00.000-05:00

I just don't understand why some things happen. Why does God allow young children and teenagers to die? What purpose does it serve? How will it work out for good?

My parents used to live next door to a little girl named Kyla. I think the first time I met Kyla she was three years old. I remember being out in the backyard in our swimming pool and seeing her walking up and down the fence staring at us, wanting us to play with her. She was such a sweet girl.

Fast forward a few years to when Jenna turns 4. Kyla is now 7. She gets permission from her parents to come over and play with my daughter. They laugh, run around the yard, and are the best of friends. For years to come these two are inseparable.

Jenna gets a little older and Kyla teaches her how to jump on the trampoline, how to ride a go cart, how to ride on her bike down to the neighbor's pond and back without getting hit by cars. She teaches Jenna how fun catching snakes and frogs can be, the importance of softball, and how to be a careful tree climber.

Because of Kyla, Jenna got to experience a lot of life's little lessons that I wouldn't have thought to teach her. I will forever be grateful for the friendship the two girls had.

But Kyla is gone now. She was 14 years old and riding in the car with her mom. She was wearing her seatbelt and the airbag was working properly. I don't know what she and her mom were talking about, but for some reason, her mom turned the corner without making sure vehicles weren't coming. A truck smacked right into Kyla's side of the car - killing her (I hope) instantly. Kyla's mother is suffering from a broken back and some serious injuries, and Kyla is no longer with us.

It's hard to imagine Kyla gone. She was so full of life. I remember just a few months ago when there was SNOW melting on the ground. You know, one of those days when you want to stay inside and read a good book? Well I was driving to my mom's house and I happened to see Kyla and her sister and parents out riding their BIKES!! Yes in the freezing cold, they were out bike riding. They lived life to the fullest, always taking advantage of the little moments to share as a family.

I'm praying that in the months and years to come, that they'll be able to look back on all those memeries and realize how special their relationship with Kyla was.

I hadn't actually seen Kyla (nor had Jenna) in two years. It was a shock to read about her death in the papers. And I'm still asking God why. Why did he allow this accident to take place? But I'm holding on to my faith that in the end it will all work out somehow.

But I sure will miss seeing Kyla growing up. Her showing is today. If I can find someone to watch my children, I'd like to go and show my support for her parents and sister. I don't think Jenna's old enough to understand though. I'd rather her remember Kyla as the girl with no fear. Who lived life to the fullest.

Hemophilia Training, Oh My!

2006-03-15T15:35:00.000-05:00

Wow! Talk about a shock! When I was told that C was going to have to have factor transfusions from home I thought it wasn't going to be a big deal. Sure, I'd just insert the needle into the little cath sticking out of his chest and we'd all live happily ever after.

Imagine my surprise when I realized that the port (where the transfusion takes place) is actually UNDER his skin! Ack!! It's a lot more complicated than I expected. First you have to put on sterile gloves. Then you have to numb the port area with this cream stuff...it has to stay on for 10-20 minutes before we can do anything else. Then we have to stick this needle into his port (HAS to go right in the middle), then you have to flush with Saline, add the factor, flush with saline again, then give something called heprine... Hmm...

Me thinks I'm in over my head!! How in the world am I supposed to remember all the steps? He'll have this port in his chest until he is about six or seven years old. Then they'll remove it and he'll have to get his transfusions through his veins.

Thankfully I have a home nurse coming out for the next two transfusions to make sure I know what I'm doing. :)

Painting Stinks

2006-03-14T17:24:00.000-05:00

It really does you know. Actually it was fun at first. But now it's just work. Lots and lots of work. My hands ache, my back throbs, and my head feels ready to explode. It's still worth it though!

Matt and I worked like dogs this weekend and really got a lot of work done on our house. We painted Conner's bedroom in two shades of blue, Jenna's bedroom in two shades of purple, and are getting ready to start on Macie's bedroom (two shades of red I think). Oh and did I mention that I'm painting my bedroom sage green?!?

It's interesting trying to get any painting done with a houseful of kids. So far I think we've had every child sleep in the great room at least one night! But the kids are so excited about their new bedrooms. We haven't really made any changes on their bedrooms in over eight years!

We just have to finish touching up Jenna's bedroom walls and then that room will be completely done (other than trim work that will come when we get more money.) Tonight I'm planning on priming Macie's bedroom and "possibly" putting on on the base coat of red. Doubt it though. I'm really tired.

Part of the reason I'm on this painting marathon is because I know how we are. If I put the paint away, it'll be months before we finish the bedrooms. And personally, I just think I'll feel better if I have all the rooms done as soon as possible!

Ok. Off to paint some more. Wish me luck. If I have any strength left in my hands, I'll post how it looks. :)

One Big Happy Family..Sort Of

2006-03-14T10:05:00.000-05:00

As I'm typing this I'm listening to my two two year olds pounding on the piano together. They stop, look at each other, clap their hands, laugh, and then start playing again. They are so cute... at least right now.

Having two children seven days a part in age in a trial to put it nicely. Both children are strong willed and both have their own opinion on who had the toy first! Macie, being older and in my home longer, thinks that she gets to make all the rules. MY carseat, MY chair, MY toys. And so we have lots of pushing, yelling, smacking, and did I mention yelling? Lots of tattling, and lots of tears. But at the same time we have lots of hugs, lots of kisses, and lot of laughter!

C is adjusting as well as can be expected. He has separation anxiety big time. Any time I start to leave the room he cries out "Don't leave me mommy. Stay here with me." It breaks my heart, but I understand why he acts this way. He's been in four homes in just one week. :( Way too many for such a little kid.

I guess one of my biggest concerns with C right now is how easily he gets frustrated. He doesn't know how to drink out of a sippy cup with the stopper in it. (but when the stopper is out the milk goes EVERYWHERE). He doesn't know how to eat out of a spoon very well, and throws it acrossed the room in tears if he can't get the food onto it. He doesn't like his food touching on his plate either. I called today to have a Early Intervention worker come out and test him for fine motor delays. We'll see if they call me back!

All in all I love having C back in my home. He isn't out of control at all!! If anything he just has a strong stubborn streak! At least so far. The other kids seem to enjoy having C back as well. Only Macie has had major issues with him being here; but then again, she's been the only little one and the constant attention getter until he arrived.

I'm sure the newness will wear off, and the kids will soon be back to trying their best to ignore and escape the little ones! I'm sure C will slowly adjust to our routine and find his place in our home. Until then, I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update! It's hard to turn my back on this many children. There is no telling what kind of trouble they'll get in to while I'm staring at this machine!

Large Families Need Large Vehicles!

2006-03-10T08:32:00.000-05:00

Our family is so excited that C is going to be joining our family today, but we realized last night that we didn't have a carseat for him. So off we go to the local Walmart to find a 5 point harness type seat. Of course we find the perfect one in our price range and have to get it!

Now back in our van, we're trying to find a place for this new carseat to go. Hmm...doesn't fit in the middle it's way too small for three carseats. Doesn't fit in the back either. Well let me take that back. It FITS, but the other kids can't buckle their booster seats with the carseat in place!!

Another problem we realized while messing with the carseat is that IF my husband is with me, we can't all fit in our vehicle! We're going to have to take two separate vehicles whenever we want to go somewhere as a family!

We realize that this is going to grow old fast, so I'm searching the internet and local car lots for a used 12 or 15 seat Passenger Van! *lol* I never in a million years thought I would be the type of parent that would need a passenger van in order to haul my family to functions!!

We began fostering with the intent to adopt ONE child, and help at the MOST two at one time... Now look at me... mommy to seven and wife to one. :) God is so good!

He's coming home!!

2006-03-09T15:16:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh!! God is so good!!!! C is coming home!

I just got off the phone with my caseworker. She asked me to please come to her office asap and sign some papers to increase my license to seven children in the home. I told her I was getting ready to put M down for a nap and asked if it could wait. She said NO...that if they didn't increase my license by tomorrow that they were going to get a court order to move C tomorrow afternoon!

So of course I race to the agency to sign my name. While in the car, my DFC caseworker calls me and wants to make sure I'm not going to have my sibling group of three moved when C arrives. I inform him that nothing short of a court order from the judge would make me move ANY of my children. That I had invested almost an entire year with these kids and I wouldn't give them up for anything. He said he knew that but had to hear it from me personally.

He then went on to say that he really went to bat for me today. He said that the other caseworkers were shaking their heads at the thought of placing a medically fragile two year old into a house with six other children. But my caseworker said that out of all the families he has worked with, that he would only recommend this for ME- my family. That he knew we could handle it without losing our minds, that he has that much faith in us. I have to tell you I started crying!! (Still crying if you want to know the truth!)

So when I arrived at the agency to sign my name, the caseworker informed me that C would be arriving at my house between 1-2 pm tomorrow!!!

God is so good!! I honestly had given up hope of getting C back. I had resigned myself to the fact that God had closed that door. But I guess I was still working in MY time and not God's.

I still ask for your prayers though. It's going to be a major adjustment to add another child to this home - especially a medically needy one. Not that I don't want him!! You all know how much I care for this little boy!!! But it's going to take some work to keep him safe and supply the needs of my other children.

But oh I can't wait to have him home!! Wild child though he may be!

I Really Like Them

2006-03-09T08:29:00.000-05:00

I really like my foster children's Great Grandparents! Actually I like them, AND their grandma, AND their aunts (the two I've met). These people really care about my foster children. You can tell that it is breaking their hearts to see them in the "system."

These people get to see my foster children every other week. And my children are so excited to get to see them! They don't just sit and watch the kids play. They go out of their way to always have a craft activity for the kids to work on while visiting. They make their time quality time and give lots of hugs and kisses. They ask questions about their lives and make sure they are being cared for in my home.

But what I really like is that they care about MY children as well! They are constantly asking why I don't allow my children to come to the visits (because it's THEIR quality time - and I didn't want to intrude) and have flat out requested that my oldest be allowed to come next time. And out of all my foster families, this is the only one I trust MY children to! They make sure to send extra craft supplies home for my kids to work on, they give them treats, and feel they are just an extension of their family. That makes me feel so good, you know? Because I treat their children like my own as well.

I really feel that if these relatives were younger that my foster children would be ok living with them. But the truth is that they are very old and that great grandpa is in very bad health. I worry about him a lot, honestly! And the aunts are wonderful people, but they don't have the room to raise the children.

Their birth parents, for some reason, just can't get their act together. The dad is more than ok with just visiting every week for a few hours, and their mom well...she's still in jail. :(

But of the relatives that I've gotten to know, I really like them. And I would have no problem with keeping them in these childrens' lives as long as they would like to be involved.

God's Timing

2006-03-07T21:52:00.000-05:00

You know. I'm not God. I know, I know...you knew that already right? Well I'm just reminding you and me that I don't know everything. Everyone always says that God is never late, that everything happens for a reason, that if it's meant to be that the doors will open and it will happen.

That's all fine and dandy, especially when God works on OUR time table. But sometimes He has his own agenda. And sometimes he says No. Gosh does that hurt to swallow.

I don't know WHY the current foster family isn't just handing C over to us. I honestly don't know. But God does. But the trust and faith to know God is handling it correctly is very hard for me to handle right now. I know he has it in control...in my heart I know that...but in my head, I'm still wanting MY answers in MY time... you understanding me?

I have to say that my heart is aching right now knowing C is not with his biological family, and also not with me. I have given C loving care for 1/3 of his entire life. Even though he's two now; I still believe that deep down in his subconscious that he remembers us. And I have to believe that if he were to come here he would know that he was safe and loved.

I'm sure his current foster family has fallen in love with him. I'm sure they feel they are doing the right thing by keeping him for themselves. I honestly don't think they are doing this out of spite. I pray to God that they aren't. But I just don't understand how they can keep him knowing that we had him for so long and are longing for him to come back...

And yes...I'm mad at my caseworker. If she had just updated my paperwork when I asked, I'd have C right now. I know I shouldn't dwell on that. I know it serves no purpose other than to bring me down and cause me to falter in my faith. And I'm praying that I can overcome this hurt.

God will never leave me nor forsake me. I know this. I know he is with me. I know he is sheltering me even now, because I DO have a peace in my soul that C is going to be ok. But I don't have the peace that I'm getting him back... just that he'll be ok. And so if you can, please pray for me still...because even though I know I can make it with God's help, I can feel your prayers at work in my life supporting us. And there can never be too many prayers for our God!

Bad News :(

2006-03-07T12:09:00.000-05:00

Apparently I "offended" the foster family that has C. Apparently my calling them and crying on the phone and telling them that IF they couldn't handle C that I could have him once my license was increased, upset them. Since THEY are a preadoptive home as well. *rolling my eyes here*

How SICK are they? I mean come on...if you KNEW that a previous foster family had a child for nine months and that they would be ABLE to have him back in a few days once paperwork was completed, wouldn't you give him up?But this family isn't willing to do that. They are down in Indy today getting training on dealing with hemophelia, and said that IF they find they can't handle him within the next month that they'll let me know.

SO... even though all the caseworkers are ok with me having C back, even though they are rushing my paperwork licensing stuff...they aren't willing to move him until the foster family says that they can't handle him.

I'm upset, but more pissed than sad. Does that make sense? So I told my caseworker that I wasn't sure I WANTED C back in a month. That I didn't think it was fair to him to have to be moved twice after he's bonded with another care giver... that if they want me to take him, they should move him before he really attaches to them.

Keep Praying!

2006-03-03T16:37:00.000-05:00

I heard from my caseworker today. She informed me that C's biological mother specifically asked him to be placed with us; because she is seriously considering terminating her rights for good and wants us to adopt him!!!

My caseworker talked to her supervisor who sees no problems with increasing our license and allowing C back into our home!! We will have to complete all the foster parent training and paperwork again though, in order to be licensed for seven children. The supervisor said that as long as we start the process that they can petition the court to allow us to go ahead and move him to our home!

C's mother is putting him in care because he is out of control - just like his big brother. And with the three other children that she has, she just can't handle him. Honestly it's really her parenting skills that has caused the boys to act like this, and I feel that we can straighten him out. Hopefully it won't come at our own children's expense!

Part of me wonders if I'm getting in over my head. This means I will have TWO 2 year olds (1 day apart in age), a 4, 5, 6, 9, and 10 year old!! But I've always wanted a big family and feel God won't give me more than I can handle.

And through all of this, I'm praying that God's will - not mine - be done. If it is His will that C be placed with us then He'll open the doors. If it's not His will, then I'm praying he'll give me the strength and peace to handle it.

But for now, please keep praying for us!!

Please Pray

2006-03-02T21:40:00.000-05:00

I just found out that my first foster baby was VOLUNTARILY placed into foster care by his mother. She SPECIFICALLY asked for me to have him. And the county WOULD NOT place him with me because my license is full.

BUT my caseworker was SUPPOSED to have started the process to have my license increased, and she hadn't gotten around to it. So she is going to start the process tomorrow.She told me the ONLY way I can get him home now is if my license is increased, if the local Division of Family and Children approves his move here, and IF the current foster home is willing to not keep him.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE start praying that they don't keep him. PLEASE pray that the doors will be opened and that he will be home quickly. I can't stand the thought of knowing that he is back in foster care and not at my house!

I'm an emotional wreck and they aren't going to be able to do ANYTHING with him until Monday. HELP ME!!! I don't know if I can handle the weekend knowing some stranger is trying to raise him.

Strep Throat

2006-03-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

Strep Throat has finally hit our family. It's been going around the kids' school for a few weeks now, and has finally found a way into our lives. We've never had strep throat before. Pink eye - yes, the flu - absolutely, lice - unfortunately. But strep throat has never made an appearance until yesterday.

The school nurse called me to say that Jenna didn't have a fever, but was complaining of a very sore throat. And upon inspection the nurse saw little blisters - but they weren't white! Still it was questionable what was causing the bumps and so I was asked to pick her up.

So off to the doctor we went. The doctor didn't think it was strep throat because the bumps weren't white, but she took a throat culture anyways. And sure enough... STREP.

We left with a perscription of medicine and stricted orders not to go around anyone for 24 hours until the meds had a chance to take effect. I thought "No problem" Jenna wasn't even acting very sickly, you know?

Fast forward a few hours and you find my VERY miserable daughter. She's bawling, her throat is full of white blisters, and she can't keep anything down. She's running a high fever and just feels awful. We've already started the meds, but they haven't had a chance to work yet... And I begin praying no one else in my family gets this nasty stuff.

Today Jenna is acting much better. You can tell the meds are doing the job, but I went ahead and kept her home from school for the day - just to be safe! Unfortunately my throat is feeling VERY scratchy, and I have a pounding headache. I have to wonder if it's psychological or if I'm getting the dreaded strep throat. *sniff* I'm praying it's all in my head. I have too many children to head to the doctor for meds.

Sometimes It's Hard Being A Mom

2006-03-01T19:37:00.000-05:00

It really is. Like today for instance. I told my foster daughters that we were going to see their great grandpa in the nursing home after school. I also told them that we wouldn't be taking their brother because he wasn't old enough to go. (Honestly I was afraid he would be WAY too wild and not listen - and afraid he might give the old people a heart attack!)

So D, my five year old, immediately started the "I'm going to see Grandpa and YOU aren't." Just really rubbing it in. Well I immediately put a stop to it (or so I thought) by telling her she WOULD NOT go to see Grandpa if she was bragging. And she stopped.

Well apparently on the way home from school she started in again. The bus driver tried to redirect her but by the time they got home B was crying and VERY upset that he couldn't go; and I was in a pickle. I SHOULD NOT have let D go to the visit...but I had already told Great Grandma that we would be coming by. :(

So I let her go, but I was very firm with her and told her since she was being such a meanie about going that she would have to go to bed 30 minutes before the other kids. And I also told her I was going to tell Grandma how disappointed I was in how she behaved. D was really crushed but was on her best behavior once we got to the visit.

Fast forward til, oh, now. We have Gracie - my little five year old sister - spending the night with us. And I reminded D that she hadn't been good earlier and had caused her brother to be very upset, and told her it was time for bed.

This child has been crying in her room for fifteen minutes. I went back, tucked her in, and explained that I wasn't sending the other kids to bed until she was asleep for 30 minutes, and that the more she cried, the longer it would take before the others came to bed.

I feel like an ogre, but she has to realize that she can't act like that - especially on the school bus. B is still very upset that he didn't get to go on the visit, but I honestly couldn't take him with me. Even though he is 4 years old he is developmentally like a 2 year old... a TERRIBLE two year old who gets into EVERYTHING the minute to take your eyes off him.

Sometiems it's just hard being a mom - especially when we have to make the children learn of consequences.

I'm Back!

2006-02-26T18:28:00.000-05:00

I'm back!! I honestly didn't realize how long I had been away from my blog! Life sort of got in the way of blogging. So what has happened since I posted last?

Jenna has continued to amaze me with her gymnastics! She is getting so dang good!! We have her state gymnastics meet next weekend. (So if you are a praying individual PLEASE pray- beginning at 3:30 pm Sunday - that Jenna will have a successful meet, that she won't fall off the balance beam, and that no injury will result from her flipping around!) As you can imagine, it's very stressful watching her - but I love every minute of it! After state she will no longer have to travel every weekend competing and can begin to work on skill to get to level 5. (But it's not a promise that she'll move up to compete level 5.)

Conner has me a little worried. I don't know if I posted about him getting pneumonia several months ago. They think he "may" have asthma - the coughing kind - and have him on breathing treatments several times a day. Well he STILL has this nasty cough, and it's not getting any better. The doctors don't think he needs another chest x-ray though... he's also doing wonderfully at gymnastics! He just learned how to do his back-walk over!! I really wish they had a boys training team, but they don't.

I have some good news regarding Macie!! Her birth mother had until January 31st to turn in the necessary paperwork to continue the appeal process (her rights were terminated last year, and she's fighting it), but the lawyer didn't turn them in until the first week of February! This means that the judge has "probably" thrown out the appeal request!! We'll know officially in another week or two. If she has then we can immediately begin the adoption!!!

We've decided that we are going to have Matt adopt Jenna, as well as readopt Conner here in the US, when we adopt Macie! Jenna really wants to have our last name and has been asking to be adopted by Matt. He's the only daddy she's ever known. Conner has to be readopted in order to get an Americanized birth certificate. Although we think it's cool to give the school the Ukrainian one, we feel they would rather have one that is in English! *lol*

My foster children are doing well. We've decided to put D in gymnastics! She is already starting to do cartwheels and handstands on her own, so even if we only put her in for one session she'll learn the right way to do them! And that may be all she gets. It really depends on money. But we at least wanted her to get to experience gymanstics.

Well I'd write more, but I'm sure you're getting cross-eyed already from reading this. I'll try to blog more frequently!

Just So You Know

2006-02-02T11:44:00.000-05:00

I haven't deserted this blog. It's just that I've been really sick with a nasty sinus infection, and as a result, my house is trashed. So I've been attempting to spend all my free time cleaning instead of playing online. I still don't feel like I'm making much progress, but it's hard to catch up with this many kids!

Not to mention the fact that Jenna is on "speed mode" with her gymnastics. They are cramming five gymnastics meets in a two month period!! That's insane, but we signed up to go to all of them, so we're running almost every weekend.

Speaking of gymnastics, Jenna has really taken off with it! She's getting very good scores and acually took second place in the floor routine at the last meet!! I'm so glad she's doing well, but I will be greatful when the season ends (March 5th) and we can stay home, save some money, and just relax for awhile! Oh she'll still train three nights a week; but at least we won't have hotel fees, gymnastics meet fees, eating out fees, and gas fees every week!

So anyways, I'm heading back offline. I have to sweep and mop the floors, try to catch up on the massive amount of laundry (the laundry mat is sounding VERY tempting right now), and dust from top to bottom. We also have a gymnastics meet Saturday. It's 2 hours away, so we're going to spend the night in a hotel tomorrow night.

I'll post Monday when I have a chance. In the meantime, have a great weekend! Praying you all have are staying well!

Respite Changes Things

2006-01-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

Respite of any form causes change. In this case, it has caused my foster son to regress a little, my foster to adopt daughter to whine and cling, and my other foster daughter to...well...be herself. *lol*

If I had it to do all over again, I'd stick Macie at my parents' house and thumb my nose at my caseworker. She pretty much pushed me to allow Macie to spend the night with one of her birth siblings for the night. It was JUST one night. Well according to the foster mother, Macie did wonderfully and was a joy to be around. But when I picked her up she was very quiet and withdrawn. She wouldn't come to ME when I held out my arms, but wanted my husband. (not a bad thing I guess, but strange.) She was very whiney and cried at the drop of a hat it seemed. It's been two days now since we've been home and she's still not back to herself. :(

B my foster son is even worse. He is rocking much more than usual. He has regressed to peeing on the toilet seat or in his pants, and is extremely whiney as well. He does nothing but whine and tattle on the other kids, or sit in the chair and rock himself. Now B has stayed in respite care before, and he's been ok. Oh sure we have a few issues to deal with, but this time seemed to bother him more than usual. (Oh and Macie and the B stayed in different foster homes for the night.) Or maybe I'm just more sensitive right now?

D seemed to thrive in the foster home. And why shouldn't she? She had 100% of the attention. They held her, sat with her, played with her, interacted with her; and I doubt very seriously that she got in trouble over there. She's such a cute kid and all. And she IS a cute kid... She just needs more attention than I can give her in the day! So every day she is asking me how long until she has a family visit, or when she gets to go back to the other foster family to visit.

Now I personally LOVED the respite day! It really allowed me to relax and enjoy Jenna's gymnastics meet. After the meet we even had enough time to come home, sit on the couch, and watch a movie together! (That would be me and Matt... Jenna went with a friend, and Conner was at grandma's house spending the night.) It was nice to just cuddle and not have to worry about the kids! And honestly Matt and I have only had that two or three times since we started fostering these children.

But to see the changes in my kids...well I know they'll get back to normal soon. They have to right? I just don't like leaving my children with strangers - even if they ARE other foster parents. You just never know what goes on behind the closed doors.

Will I use respite again? Yes, more than likely for B,D, and M. But not for Macie. She's just too little to go to strangers. Since we're adopting Macie she can just stay in the family. Will I use the same respite families we used this past weekend? No I won't. I just don't like the changes in the kids, and I know from past experiences that the more fun the kids have at the respite home, the better their behavior here.

Feeling A Little Guilty

2006-01-27T10:58:00.000-05:00

I have to say that I'm feeling a little guilty today. Since we are foster parents, we get one respite day every three months the children are in our care. A respite day is where the agency will PAY for our children to spend the night at another foster family's home to give us a break. Well the policy is that you have to "use it or lose it" yearly - meaning that we have until January 31st to use our last respite day for our children. And we won't get our next respite day until March 1st at the earliest. So we decided to use our respite day for our children today!

My daughter, Jenna, has a gymnastics competition this Saturday at 8:00 in the morning. We have to drive 1.5 hours to get to the gymnastics meet, so we'll have to leave at LEAST by 5:45 am to make it in time! (Cause you know you HAVE to stop for a diet coke if you are going to have to function before the sun comes up.) Jenna only has three more gymnastics competitions this season, so I want to make sure my husband sees at least one more! So we are putting the kids in respite.

They aren't too happy about it. Well that's a lie. The younger three don't really care, but the oldest is really upset. We have never used respite for her before. I usually just keep her with me and take her when I have to go out of town. But for this one time, I'm putting my foot down and putting her in as well. She is very upset, grumbling about going to stay with strangers. And wanting to take ALL her toys, and saying we should just let her go with us. I understand that she's nervous (heck I would be too), but I just really need a break.

For one thing, I'm still really sick. And it takes all my energy to give the kids the care they need. For another, I would just really like to watch Jenna without having to worry about any other children. Selfish? Yes. I'll admit to that.

My mother in law is going to keep Conner for us for the night. He's in his glory. They spoil him rotten and just really have a blast together. So I'm not woried about him.

But Macie.... I'm scared to death to be leaving her. My mom said that she'd keep her for me, but the agency wants us to try putting her in respite care with one of her siblings for the night. They say the respite would just be wasted if we don't use it up. But this is my Macie we're talking about, and I could care less if we use the respite. I just want her getting the best care possible. I'm so tempted to call the agency back and tell them not to worry, that I'll just let her spend the night with my mom...

It's only for one night. I keep telling myself that, but I'm still feeling really guilty about it. I just feel that all these kids are MY kids and the thought of sending them to strangers, even for a night, is unsettling. But they'll probably have a blast, and I know that I need the rest in order to get myself well. I have to remember to take care of me, if I'm going to do justice for these children. But boy is it hard. *Sigh*

Sick of Being Sick

2006-01-24T14:30:00.000-05:00

*ugh* You know you're sick when you start wishing you could become a dog and just lay beside the heating vent all day long, and let someone scratch your back for you. That's how I'm feeling today.

I have absolutely no energy. In fact, every time I stand up to go and "do" something I get all light headed and have to sit back down. It's much nicer sitting in this computer chair than trying to walk anywhere else in this house.

I've been sick for about three days now. Started off with just a runny nose, developed into a nasty sore throat, then a lot of coughing, then no voice, then major headaches, and now on to stomach cramps and fatigue. Let me tell you, it's not very fun.

Especially when the kiddos and hubby still think that I'm their personal slave. Get me a drink. I want a snack. Sre you EVER going to cook? Honey we have no clean dishes. Where is my clean underwear? Mom I don't have any socks! *ugh*

All I want is to lay in my bed or in the hot bathtub and just veg. I don't want to talk, I don't want to think. I may read a book, but mostly I want to just lay there. And honestly, that's all I have been doing. The house is trashed, the kids are pretty much fending for themselves, and I'm trying to get my energy back up. My husband is great about keeping an eye on the kids when he is home, and he'll feed them dinner (if he can find clean pans). But he's feeling under the weather too.

So here I am, sitting here at my computer, staring at the heating vent and wishing, just for this moment, that I was a dog and could curl up by the hot air and fall asleep to the petting of my master. *ahh* That's the life...

She's So Good!

2006-01-23T08:33:00.000-05:00

My daughter is amazing! She was just moved up to Level 4 gymnastics this year. Level 4 is the first competing level - it goes up to Levels 10 or 11 I believe. Anyways, she just started competing this year.

Jenna wasn't chosen for the pre-team gymnastics program when she was younger, partly because she was so hyper! So she had to go through Levels 1-3 before getting on the team. As a result, she didn't have the flexibility or muscles built up like the pre-team gymnastics girls, and she really struggled in the beginning. She only had to practice 1 hour a week for levels 1-3 and she practices 6.5 hours for level 4!

So anyways, Jenna has been in about six or seven gymnastics meets this year. She has done remarkably well for her first year; but there was still a lot of room for improvements. She was scoring in the high 7's to high mid 8's. (on a 10 point scale).

Well yesterday she had a gymnastics meet down in Indianapolis, and she ROCKED! She was absolutely awesome! She got her first 9 (9.175!) on Bars and got the second place medal for her age level!! She got an 8.9 on vault and placed 8th, and in the All Around competition (where they total everybody's scores and the top 15 get awards, she scored 9th in her age group!! How cool is that?

She has just gotten so dang good in the last few months, and I am so proud of her! There is no way I could ever do half the skills that she can do (nor would I want too) but I love to sit and watch her do it! I don't know how long she'll stick with gymnastics, but however long she does, I'll always be there cheering her on!

Note To Self:

2006-01-21T12:34:00.000-05:00

Note to self...NEVER tell a six year old they are going to be in t-ball until the DAY BEFORE t-ball is supposed to start. I made the mistake of telling my son and foster daughter that I was signing them up for t-ball. Now every day they ask me if they get to go to t-ball today.

Now I patiently have explained over, and over, and over again that it is winter time. That they do not play t-ball in winter. That we are just signing them up so the coaches can find out how many boys and girls will be playing. How we have to wait until the grass is really green, how the sun has to be shining and warm outside, and how we have to wait for Winter to go away, then Spring to come, then school to end, then Summer to start before they can play t-ball.

But I have to admit, Mother Nature isn't helping me out any. Who would have thought that in January, of all months, that we'd have 55 degree days? And that the grass outside would be turning green again? And that the sun would be shining brightly? It's no wonder my kids are confused!

So I'm having to listen several times a day to them whining about how they want to be in t-ball and how it IS summer time now. Lord I'd pray for patience, but I'm really not sure I have the will-power to deal with the many ways God would use to teach it to me!

The Tree Is Down!

2006-01-20T09:02:00.000-05:00

I DID get the Christmas tree down last night - no thanks to Matt (Ok, so that's not fair...he DID take all the Christmas ornaments down BY HIMSELF, AND put them away in the tote. I think I was either taking a bath or watching tv while he slaved away.) We were sitting in the great room trying to watch tv (do NOT rent Bad News Bears btw...every other word is cussing! We ended up turning it off and watching School of Life) with the kids.

So anyways, here I am sitting there trying to enjoy the movie, but my eyes keep drifting over to the eyesore of my Christmas tree. I find myself constantly shaking me head in disgust and telling Matt it needs to come down. He had already gotten all the ornaments off which just left the garland, Christmas lights, and tree branches to take down.

Matt just rolls his eyes and says he'll do it later, that he's not in the mood to mess with it. Well DUH! If we were in the mood to do it it'd be done!! But that didn't change that fact that it was the 19th of January and we were still looking at it!

So I get my fanny off the couch, huffing and puffing and making a LOT of noise, head over to the evil tree and start attempting to take the garland off. I don't know WHAT my husband was thinking when he wrapped it around the tree, but I swear to you that the stuff was NOT wanting to be taken down! I think I ruined half the garland by jerking at it! But I finally managed to get it all off by myself (much to my cat's delight!)

Now on to the Christmas lights. *lol* Yeah right. Those were NOT coming down, at least not with my tiny arms trying to unwrap them. But I found a GREAT way to take them down! I started taking off the Christmas branches...WITH the lights still attached. The lights stayed somewhat in place, and the branch slipped easily out! And it was a little satisfying to see the lights tumble to the ground when the last tree branch got out of the way.

I started out really trying to put the branches away, but the tote Matt gave me was WAY too small for the branches (or so I thought) so I ended up just piling them in willy nilly. I had a beautiful tree sculpture when I was finished. It stood at least three two feet above the tote opening! Matt of course didn't appreciate it.

When he realized what I had done there was a lot of head shaking and sighing. Apparently when you take the tree apart with the lights still on, you cause a mess for the person who has to wind up all the lights. He said it's going to be a tangled mess. But it was so satisfying to see the lights all jumbled together at the base of the Christmas tree!

He made the girls redo the tree branches, and lo and behold, those two little traitors managed to get all the branches to fit inside that tiny tote! They always like to prove how much better they are than me. *hehe* And I have no problem letting them think that!

So now I'm sitting here at the computer and when I look into the great room I see the tree base, some jumbled lights at the base, and three huge totes just waiting to be put in the attic. Wonder how long it'll be before THOSE go away? It would be fun to hide easter eggs on the tree base!

I Want A Baby

2006-01-19T09:43:00.000-05:00

As I have posted many times before, I'm a mommy and foster mommy to six children. Well I don't have enough kids. I want a BABY. Not a toddler, not a school-ager - I want a baby baby. One small enough to keep me up in the middle of the night and one I can mold into a miniature version of myself.

But I don't think I'm going to get my wish. Yes I have the room in my house for another child - barely. *hehe* Actually my husband would say we don't have the room. We live in a three bedroom (four now that we turned our front room into a bedroom) house out in the country. But we have a huge great room and our bedroom is nice size. We could easily fit a baby crib in there and still have room to move around.

I just don't think my social worker is going to give me another baby with the children I have in my home right now. We aren't sure exactly what is wrong with B my four year old foster son. He definately has PTSD, Communications Disorder, and some type of Neurological Disorder. He is definately a handful, and I find myself wanting to pull my hair out more often than not! But he can be super sweet too. Then there is D, my five year old foster daughter. She also has PTSD and Attachment Disorder. She is constantly THERE - you know? So with all these issues, my social worker doesn't really want to give me another baby. But I still WANT one. And she promised me if I put walls up in the front room that she'd get me one. Well the walls are up, but still no baby.

We can't have a baby on our own. My husband had cancer in high school and can't have children. Well we have a 3% chance of getting pregnant through invertro fertilization; BUT we have an 80% chance of miscarry due to fractured dna. *Sigh* And I'm willing to take that chance to have a baby, but Matt just isn't there yet. Plus we really don't have the $10,000 it would cost to TRY...

And I'd love to adopt again, but I don't want to go out of the states to do it. And again, I don't have the $14,000 it would cost to adopt. But I really really want another baby.

I have friends who think I'm absolutely crazy to want more children. They say aren't six kids enough? But they aren't! For one, three of the children in my home are just long term foster care. They aren't adoptable. And there is just something about holding a little one that makes me crave it...

My Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

2006-01-17T11:59:00.000-05:00

My gosh, you guys wouldn't BELIEVE the day I am having! It's gloomy and rainy here today which is not helping my mood at all. I've walked around my house for the last several hours trying to think of something fun and positive to write about. Unfortunately, it's not going to happen. I'm too upset.

You see. We just paid to have our septic system cleaned out either last week or the week before. And today, while I was attempting to do laundry, my sink started to gurgle, and knowing that is NEVER a good sign, I run to the bathrooms. Sure enough, the bathtubs are filling up with nasty gooey water, and the toilets are overflowing onto the floor. Realizing that my washing machine is still running, I race back acrossed the house and turn it off, halfway through the cycle. But it's not the septic people's problem. We have a broken field tile under our house that just floods everything from the crawl space to the septic...

So now I have a stinky house, sudsy laundry - that will probably mildrew *ugh*, a dishwasher full of dishes waiting to be washed, and a houseful of tattling children. Did I mention that I'm stranded here? Yup, that's right.

My husband's car is not working right, so he had to take it to the shop last night to be checked out. Since he didn't have his own car, he took mine to work this morning. Normally this wouldn't bother me; but having such a nasty smelling house (not even candles can help!!) is really making me want to cry! Oh, and it's going to cost us over $300 to have his car repaired. Oh the joys of being a grown up.

It's one of those days when I wish I was a child again and could just curl up on my dad's lap and watch tv with him. No having a care in the world, and knowing that any problems I had could be solved with just a little kiss to make it all better.

A Good Book, Bath, and Children

2006-01-16T09:57:00.000-05:00

There is nothing I love more than to be drawn into the lives of the main characters in my favorite books! As long as I can remember I've had a love of reading. Oh I wasn't a world class student by any means! In fact, until I was a junior in high school I was happy just to get C's and occassionally B's or A's. But that didn't stop me from reading.

Actually I think my love for reading my have caused my low grades! Once I start a book, it is Very hard for me to put it down until it is finished. So if I started a book during the school week, my homework came second to figuring out what was going to happen next in the story! Once I realized how addicted to reading I was, I began to limit how much I would read during the school year - especially around major testing weeks. I noticed a big difference in my test scores during the times I wasn't reading a good book. But boy did I miss the books!

I've always had this gift of tuning out the world when I read. You can be standing right next to me talking, and if my face is in a book, I won't hear a word you are saying. (That gift has since grown to tuning out my children's voices when they are fighting or being really loud - drives my husband nuts!) But there is something about a good book that just takes my full attention.

My favorite books to read are Christian fiction, but I also love romance, popular best sellers, and an occassional horror novel! So far I haven't really found any sci-fi or fantasy novels that can hold my attention (sorry hubby); but put anything else in my hands and I'll probably read it. I love Lori Copeland's old romance novels, Karen Kingsbury's Christian Fiction, Dean Koontz's horror, and Lorna Landvik's Bestseller. *hehe*

That's the book I'm currently reading - Lorna Landvik's "Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons". I don't know why I pick this book. I think I was just browsing the book aisle at Kroger's while my daughter was at gymnastics and the title just jumped out at me. It's a really good book too! Kind of predictable but then again...so are most novels now adays!

Even when I don't have a book to read, stories are constantly running through my head. Sometimes I am transported back to a story that I've recently read, others I make up my own stories. I have to say that I have one WILD imagination! If I only had a little extra time I'd attempt to write my own novel. Alas, procrastination is my downfall! Still, that doesn't stop the stories from lulling me to sleep each night.

Friends and relatives get a kick out of the fact that I take two hour baths (or longer) all the time. But honestly, I have a very understanding and loving husband who knows I need a break, and so while he helps out with the kids; I get my down time! So how, you may ask, do I stay in the tub so long? Easily. I lounge with my hands out of the water with a good book, and my feet propped up on the other side half of the bath. (If I left them in they'd itch like crazy when I got out - learned that from experience!) And once I actually start reading, I lose all sense of time. It's usually the screams of my husband; or the constant interruptions from my children that let me know when I've been in too long.

But I have to say that my favorite time to read is when my oldest daughter joins me in my bed. We'll curl up together on the pillows and just read. Sometimes we'll stop and talk about what's going on in her life, or she'll ask me to read a few pages of her book that she thought were really good! Or - like the time I was reading a Sister Chick Book and was laughing so hard that I had tears rolling down my cheeks, she'll grab MY book to see what is so funny! We don't do this very often though. Jenna doesn't love books like I do, so sometimes it's like pulling teeth the get her to want to read at all! And then there are the other children. If I let one kid in my bed, I have to let them all...and sometimes I just don't feel like that - you know?

But my prayer is that all of my children when grow to have a love of reading if not as strong as mine; then one that will at least occassionally allow them to escape reality and live in the lives of the characters for a short while.

Nothing Like Giving Warning

2006-01-12T23:26:00.000-05:00

There is nothing more frustrating to me than having a social worker call me at the last minute and want to come out to see my children. For the most part, my normal social worker from the private agency is wonderful and doesn't do this. However, sometimes we have to have county social workers come and do a face to face visit with the kids.

I am by no means a good housekeeper. I try my best to keep up with the laundry, dishes, and picking up the toys on a daily basis...usually; but the dusting and mopping, and toilet cleaning, and bathtub cleaning *shudder*.. well... it gets put on the back burner until it gets to the point where I can't stand it. And since I have such a large family, it takes a while for that to happen!

Now my children help a lot with the picking up. The older two gather the trash the younger ones feed the animals for us, and all of them have to pick up the laundry and toys around the house. It's also up to them to keep their rooms tidy. (Although I have to go in usually and redo it after they leave for school). So you'd think that with all this help we'd be able to keep the house nice looking right? Wrong!!!

It seems that while I'm busy cleaning one room, the children will be in another making an even bigger mess!! The only time my house is really nice looking is when they are all in bed or at school...and then only if I have enough energy to straighten up!

So anyways, back to my original topic. As you have read, I'm not a clean freak. So when I know that social workers are coming for a visit I do a mad dash cleaning spree to get the house sparkling and in good shape. It takes a while for this transformation to happen.

And when I get these last minute phone calls telling me they are coming first thing in the morning...well...I really start to panic! There is no way my house is going to look clean in that short amount of time! So how will I fix this? I'll hide what I can until the social worker leaves, and try my hardest to keep her in my kitchen (the cleanest room in my house!) I'll pray that she only stays a few minutes and that she remembers that I am the mother of six right now and house cleaning is at the bottom of my priority list.

Taking care of the children, playing with them, feeding them, and helping them with homework is far more important to me than cleaning up. Oh and we can't forget those two hour baths. Can't live without those.

Wish Me Luck

2006-01-11T21:07:00.000-05:00

Well everyone I've decided to try my hand at being Martha Stewart. That's right. I - Anna - am going to being a Suzy Homemaker-type woman. I have mastered the art of scrapbooking. I can crochet a blanket (using one type of stitch!), and now I'm on to my next challenge...a Cuddly Quilt Kit. I'm going to attempt to make a homemade baby quilt for my cousin's first baby!

Now mind you, I attempted sewing about seven years ago and found that I could sew the material together...as long as I didn't have to read the directions. If I had to figure out what the directions were saying I was completely lost.

But never fear, this cuddly quilt kit promises easy-to-follow instructions! So I spend my husband's hard earned money on this very cute kit, but will I be able to figure it out? Slowly I unfold all the fabric pieces and locate the hidden instructions. I'm still trying to figure out why they were buried in the deepest fold of the material. Was it to keep me from seeing how complicated it was before I purchased it? I'm honestly thinking that might be the case.

Right away it tells me all the supplies I am going to need. Hmm... What is a rotary cutter? Now I know a scrapbook version of this, but where do I get a sewing one? Is it the same thing? The instructions don't say... What is a pressing cloth? The instructions don't say. Sew with right sides together... um...as opposed to wrong sides? I'm guessing this means for me to put the "good" side of the material together right?

My head is beginning to throb by this point and I'm wondering why I spent $20.00 on this project when I could have bought a really cute already put together baby blanket for less! Why did I ever think I could be a Martha? I've never been a Martha before and you can't teach a non-Martha new tricks! Lord help me, I'm in over my head! And this is just from reading the instructions.

I have yet to have the courage to cut the fabric and give this project a try. I wonder if it's too late to take it to my mother-in-law to complete. The fabric is so pretty and soft and cute looking all folded together like this. Maybe I'll just give the quilt project to my cousin for her baby shower gift instead of trying to give her the completed quilt. But no, *sigh* my pride won't let me quit just yet. I have to at least attempt this daunting taskbefore I can turn it over to the professionals. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll turn out cute! I'll let you know how it goes.

Foster Parent Musings

2006-01-11T08:35:00.000-05:00

Some days I'm so thankful that God called me to be a foster parent. On these days I feel like I'm on top of the world. On these days I laugh and play with the kids, we sing songs together, we go to their appointments with a smile on our faces. When I'm in these "good parent" moods, I can treasure all the cute things the kids say to me, and I know just by looking at them that I'm doing my best for them, and that they are thriving.

But the good days are getting farther and farther apart. It's not that I am sorry I became a foster parent; but the day in/day out life of mothering six children can get overwhelming! Sometimes I feel like I have too many kids.

When I get in these moods, my "bad parent" ones, I feel like a complete and utter failure. I question why God gave me the responsibility of parenting this many children. I have to wonder what kind of sense of humor he has. On the bad days I want to run screaming to my bedroom and lock myself in. Of course, I'd still see the fingers poking through the crack in the door, and hear the doorknob jingling, and the little fists pounding on the door. Even in the bad moments, I know I'm supposed to be doing this.

But when they are bad, the tattling, the constant need for attention and the fighting with each other take the joy out of my singing. When they eat dog food, and mulch, and eye glasses pieces I don't really feel like passing around the candy bag for a treat. When I hear from the school teachers that my child is saying she can't go on a the school field trip because we "can't afford to pay for the admission price (3.50) AND buy Christmas" I just want to crawl under a rock. (On a side note, I NEVER said she couldn't go because of money issues - we had the money). Well all of that wears me down.

Then there are the comments from "kind hearted" people; you know...family members. We have the grandma who hears me take a firm voice with my foster daughter telling her to get in the car (this was the FOURTH time I told her to get in the car, and she wasn't minding...) and turns to my mother after I leave to ask "does she even LIKE that little girl?" And then proceeds to tell her that all my daughter needs is a little extra loving and lots of hugs and kisses. And that if I'm not able to give her that, to send her to her and She will do it. *grr* To start off, I DO give lots of hugs and kisses. I DO like/love this little girl.

We also have the aunt who sees us only at major holidays when there are over 40 people (18 of those being children under the age of 12) in a small house; and informs us that we are too hard on our children. That we needed to lighten up and let them be kids. Well I'm sorry, but I can not allow my four year old foster son (who eats EVERYTHING) to go upstairs to play unless I go with him. He thinks it's a great game to roll down the stairs and eat Barbie Doll shoes. Oh and did I mention that he likes to do those two things at the same time? Now how would I explain to my caseworker how this child got a shoe lodged into his throat and broke his neck all at the same time? I would lose my license (not to mention my own children) for sure!

Then we have the well-meaning friends. These are the people that I call when I've had a very frustrating day. Knowing I don't want to take it out on the children or my husband, but also knowing I have to get it out of my system; I call these friends for a stress breaker. It does NOT help to hear that "We just don't know what these kids have been through. And you don't know what they have seen. And they are just little, you need to realize that and just love on them." I KNOW all these things. I DO understand that they have been through a lot. I DO understand they are the way they are because of their parents and environment. But that still doesn't help me deal with them on these bad days!! I have this group of children since March!! I think I know a little more about what they went through, and they've had 10 months to get used to our rules and parenting styles.

Wow... can you tell I'm sort of in a Bad Parenting mood today? I just re-read what I typed in and I can hear the negativity in my message. Does this mean I'm going to take it out on my kids today? Nope it doesn't. It just means that I'm going to have to work harder at showing them my good side. That I'm going to have to pray more frequently and remind myself that they only need my good side until 11:30 when they get on their school bus; and that after I drop my son off at Kindergarden and put my two year old down for her nap - THEN I can take that two hour bath and read a good book and recharge myself for the afternoon stretch. We'll get through this day like we do every other day. One minute at a time. And hopefully, at the end of the day, the kids and I can all look back on what we've done and see the positives have out-weighed the negatives.

Too tired to type

2006-01-10T08:49:00.000-05:00

Oh my, it's been a very hectic weekend. It feels like a Monday (the kids didn't go to school yesterday because of a teacher training day). We had so much going on and stayed up way past 1 am for the last three nights in a row.

My husband and I spent the weekend pulling carpet up in our foster daughters' bedroom and in our bedroom. My hands swelled so badly from pulling up staples that I had to take off my wedding ring! Now the only room that still has carpet is our Great Room... and that's only because there is a concrete floor under the carpet instead of hardwood floors.

We also had court for our youngest foster to adopt daughter. The judge was very informal - even going so far as to letting the kids take her place on the judge's stand and wear her robe and speak in her microphone. But it was very tiring. For one it takes over an hour to get to court; for two, I had to pick up my mom's foster children for court because she has the flu; and for three, the judge made us have a family visit with all the siblings after court.

Top all that off with my daughter coming down with the stomach flu, my foster children acting very needy and clingy, and my son's medication not kicking in yet, and you have a very tiring morning. Nap time can't come soon enough for me.

Sims 2 is an evil game

2006-01-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

Well evil isn't really the right word for the game...I think addictive is a better word. Last night my husband had to go out of town for a business trip. For some reason, I couldn't fall asleep after he left; so I got up and started my favorite computer game.

I played for six hours straight. Oh I got up once to go potty, twice to let the dogs outside, and twice to comfort children who woke up from bad dreams. But the pull of the game kept me sitting there long after my body told me to get some sleep.

The result of my late night? My lovely children decided to wake me up after four hours of sleep by running through the hall and screaming loudly at each other to wake up. Did I mention that I turn into a witch without enough sleep?

So I open the bedroom door, growl at the children and warn them that it is NOT morning yet and to go back to bed. Do they listen? Of course not, they continued jumping out of their beds (particularly loud on hardwood floors) and fighting with each other.

Awake for the day, I've found myself with no patience for the children, mad at the world, and wishing I would have went to bed like a normal person. It doesn't help that my husband didn't get home from work until 6 am this morning and has been sleeping away while I've dealt with the kids. *sigh*

I know it's my own fault. I understand this is my punishment for playing the dumb game... But for my children's sake I hope I can take a nap when they do...otherwise it's going to be a really stress filled day at my house.

Off to stop my foster daughters from fighting over the coloring papers, to stop my foster son from eating dog food (he doesn't think I saw him grab a handful), and to stop my youngest daughter from carrying my place mats into the toy room... Oh happy day...NOT. I think I'll wake my husband up and take me a two hour bath. If he had been home, I never would have gotten on the Sims game to begin with.

Scary Thoughts

2006-01-06T15:27:00.000-05:00

This is my last post for today...I promise. I just had to get this out of my system. I'm a nervous wreck. You all know I'm a foster mom. Well sometimes we are required to attend court hearings. Sometimes we can get out of it; but sometimes we have no choice. I just found out this next court hearing is a "no choice - you have to show up...oh and by the way, so does the foster child" one.

I just got of the phone with my caseworker. She was giving me the directions on how to get to court for my two year old next week. Well after she rattled off the directions to me, she told me to just keep my eyes open for the birth parents or their friends.

She said that I am to constantly watch from the time I leave the car until I get into the actual court room. She said that if I see a BIG black man who is Very husky looking, and looks very angry to run the other direction. Oh and keep an eye out for black women getting into their purses, because mom carries a gun, as well as other weapons with her at all times.

Apparently Macie's birth parents don't know that we have court next week, but they are constantly hanging around downtown in the hopes of catching a social worker off guard. These people are SCARY.

They are part of a gang up north, they have slashed case worker, casa worker, and the transporter for their children's tires. They have slammed bricks into the windshield of the workers. They have threatened bodily harm to everyone who has their kids. They have been known to follow workers around town. They are EVIL.

We were never allowed to attend court before the termination occurred because they were so violent. I personally think it's stupid for us to be attending it now, but the judge court ordered us to appear. *sigh*

So if you think about it, say a prayer for us early next week because we're going to be entering enemy territory. Right now the parents have no idea where the kids are living, and we'd like to keep it that way.

The sooner we can adopt Macie and change her social security number, the better I'll feel. The thought of anything or anyone hurting my baby is enough to turn me into a real mama bear. I'll protect her at all costs.

God Bless WIC

2006-01-06T14:29:00.000-05:00

I really am thankful for WIC (Women Infant Children) vouchers. They allow me to purchase cereal, milk, bread, eggs, cheese, peanut butter, beans, and during the summer months fresh fruit from the farmers market, and it doesn't come out of our family budget! If I didn't have foster children, then I wouldn't be able to have WIC because of the income level; but with the additional children in my home, we qualify. (actually the foster kids qualify - my family still doesn't!)

Now some people are embarrassed to use WIC vouchers. Some people feel ashamed. Some PEOPLE make people feel ashamed to use them. But to me, they are a lifesaver. I don't feel the least bit guilty when I use them. They help me keep my family healthy and fed!

My children go through two gallons of milk every two days! (One white, one chocolate) and half a gallon more of white milk. My youngest three drink milk at every meal (and juice in between). My older children use the milk on their cereal, and on their strawberry shortcake. We love scrambled eggs for breakfast, boiled eggs as a side at dinner, and not to mention all the baking I do with them!! The cheese... my goodness you'd think it was candy the way my children go through it! (We buy the cubes for easy holding.)

I save over $100.00 a month...maybe a lot more - I haven't actually sat down and added up the receipts - by using our WIC vouchers. The money we save allows us to take our children out for a family dinner, or to the bowling alley, or the movie theater. It allows us to have a little fun without worrying about how we'll afford groceries. (Do you realize how much is COSTS to feed eight people fast food?!?)

And while we're on the subject, reduced rates on school lunches are great too!! *hehe* I'm not to proud to say that I'll take any type of assistance I can get for my children. They are worth it. And if others think I'm cheap, or that I'm a dead-beat parent...well...all they have to do is spend a day in my shoes to know how wrong they really are.

It's Quiet Now

2006-01-06T08:34:00.000-05:00

You know, sometimes you just need to start the day over. That's what happened here at my house. My son woke up the house around 7:00 this morning running around and screaming at the top of his lungs. His adhd medication wasn't in his system yet and he was WILD. No problems though, I simply walked him into the kitchen and gave him his medicine.

In walks the other five kids, one at a time. The last being my five year old foster daughter D. D has to control everything. D doesn't like anyone but her getting any of the attention. D started grabbing toys out of my son's hand and telling him they were hers. (they weren't btw). Wherever Conner went, D followed and made him miserable. She was tattling left and right and just being a big pest.

During all of these, I have my daughter who is talking NON-STOP because her adhd medication isn't in her system yet. I swear I now know exactly how old everyone in our house will be when Jenna is 13, 16, 18, 21, ect. She was having a blast figuring out everyone's ages; but that constant chatter on top of D's tattling and whining, and Conner's screaming was really getting on my nerves.

Oh and we can't forget my foster son B. B was rocking so hard in his booster seat at the kitchen table that he knocked the chair over backwards and started bawling. Of course I rush over to make sure he's ok. What do I find? Oh just the normal toy car in his mouth, but otherwise he's ok. So I have D tattling, Conner screaming, B bawling, and Jenna chattering.

Then there is my foster daughter M. M doesn't like school. M doesn't like mornings. M refused to eat breakfast. She changed her clothes twice because I had the gall to tell her she couldn't wear her pj's or her summer t-shirts in 20 degree weather. M sulking at the table and telling me when SHE turns 18 she's leaving here and taking her siblings with her. Major attitude.

And we'll end with Macie. Macie is Macie. *hehe* Ok I have to admit that i find it harder to get mad or frustrated at her. After all, she's only two years old and she's acting very age appropriate. Sure she has her moments, but they are short and far between. Right now she's sitting on my lap playing with a carebear toy while I type.

So now you have an idea of what my morning was like before I got the oldest two off to school. I sent the youngest four into the Living Room to play and told them to stop the fighting and tattling or they were going back to bed. Being the thick-headed children that they are, they didn't believe me.

You should have heard the screaming and seen the tears when I finally flipped my lid and sent them all back to their bedrooms. I told them lights out and to get back in bed. That when they could prove to me that they were going to wake up and be the happy, loving, fun, caring, sharing kids that I knew they could be; that I might consider letting them get back up.

That was 15 minutes ago and it's finally quiet back there. No they aren't sleeping, but they have learned that I will not let them up until they can calm down and think about why they are there. Guess I'll let them up and see how the rest of the day goes. 15 minutes was long enough for me to gain back a little of my sanity to be able to deal with the rest of my day.

**edited to add: I went to wake the kids up, but they were ALL asleep! I wasn't actually planning on making them go back to sleep. But hopefully they'll wake up in a better mood and be ready to start the day.

It's Ok

2006-01-05T13:01:00.000-05:00

Just thought I would post again and let everyone know that I survived the morning....and so did the kids! It's amazing how much easier my day gets when two of the four littlest ones get on the school bus.

I was even able to get a little bit of cleaning done! My husband came home for lunch and commented on how nice the house was starting to look. I have to admit, watching the house take shape is really helping to make me feel better as well.

I have an hour until the "bug man" comes to keep me critter free. I should be taking that bath, but I am so addicted to this computer that I wanted to check out what my friends are up too first.

Tell Me Again WHY I am a Mom?

2006-01-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

Please someone, tell me why I CHOSE to be a mommy? Right now I'm having an "I don't want to be a mommy" day. I get this way every once in a while, especially if the kids are really being brats. It usually lasts until the last child heads to school. After that I'll put the youngest down for a nap and take me a two hour bath until they all get home from school.

Well I have to say that this day qualifies as a bratty day. They are fighting with each other over toys, over which seat they are going to sit in, over who gets the stupid BLUE UNICORN card, over which seat they get to sit in in the car (We aren't even GOING anywhere today!). They are tattling on each other non-stop!

I can't tell you the number of toys that I have put on top of my fridge, in my closets, in the trash, and in the garage today! You'd think after the first three were taken away that they'd realize that I mean business and that I'm not going to put up with the fighting and lack of sharing. But no, not these kids.

And the constant need for attention. Well that comes from being a child. They DO need our attention. They do need our hugs and kisses. They do need to know that we love them and are here for them. So I don't mind the "good" attention they need. But after I've given the first five hugs of the fifteen minute time span, I just really KNOW that they love me, and that I love them. And by this point I'm wanting them to just go play.

Even when I'm having these days where I want to pull out my hair, I'm still trying to not raise my voice too much. I'm trying to be a good mom. I'm trying to show them by example how I want them to behave. But boy is it tough.

It's days like these that I wonder if I'm doing the right thing in staying home and being a mommy/foster mommy. *sigh* But on the good days, when everything is going smoothly, and the kids are smiling and happy, when they are loving and just full of life...I remember why I chose this job.

I'm Pretty Daddy!

2006-01-04T14:30:00.000-05:00

It took me an hour to take the braids out of my daughter's hair this morning. Another hour to give her a bath and wash and condition her hair, and a half an hour more to redo her hair into a cute style fit for a princess. After all that work, how could I NOT take her to get her picture taken?

We haven't had Macie's picture professionally taken once since she joined our family back in July. I have pictures of every other child in my home, all prominently displayed on my computer/scrapbooking desks; but none of Macie. So... knowing we had no money to blow on pictures, I called and made the appointment! She's worth it.

So off to the store we go. Macie was the perfect princess! She smiled when the frog fell from the photographer's head, she tilted her head "just so" when the camera was ready to flash, and she showed off her onery two year old side more than once! All in all it was a GREAT picture taking session. It was very difficult to choose which photos to keep. But I managed. We are now the proud owners of a beautiful close up smiling picture package; as well as a full length sweet picture SHEET ($20.00 a sheet *ugh*) of my newest daughter.

While we were trying to decide which pictures to order, Macie pointed to the computer screen and said "Daddy, look! It's ME! I PRETTY Daddy, I pretty girl." *giggles* And you know what? She was right!

It's Going To Be A Good Day

2006-01-04T07:51:00.000-05:00

At least that's my prayer for today. For the first time in a long time, I'm giving this day to the Lord. I woke up this morning to the local Christian Station playing "In an effort to praise Him," and it got me thinking. How long has it been since I've taken the time to praise Him? Gosh... it feels like forever. So I started out my morning with a prayer, and my hope is that I'll have a better attitude when dealing with my family. Maybe if I start putting God back at the top of my priorities my life will run smoother...

My goal for today is to surprise my husband and have a CLEAN house by the time he comes home from work. Not sure how clean I can actually get it with all these kiddos around, but I'm going to try my hardest to get something accomplished!

Well I'll post later how my day actually goes. Have to go get the oldest ones off to school, and get the little ones ready to start the day. Who knows...I might even let them play play dough.... then again...why ruin the morning that quickly? :)

Jenna's Doctor Visit

2006-01-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

*ugh* The doctor says that Jenna is too skinny. I didn't realize you could be too skinny, but apparently you can. Jenna is in Level 4 gymnastics. She works out at the gym a total of 6.5 hours each week. She competes in competitions at least twice a month around the state. She eats a ton of junk food daily, but she doesn't gain any weight. She's 10.5 years old and weighs 58.5 pounds, and is 54 1/4 inches tall. People...she has a 6X waist, but needs a size 10 for length! *lol* Thank God for those new stretch jeans!

Anyways, the doctor recommends that we make Jenna eat more often during the day, and he also wants her to take more calcium. He's worried - even now - about osteoperosis (sp) developing when she's older....

In other news, he also said that he wants her to stay on 20 mg of Focolin XR for her ADD. We may increase it to 30 mg in a few weeks; but he wants to wait and see what kind of response we are getting from the teachers before we do that.

What To Do?

2006-01-03T10:40:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what to do with my five year old foster daughter. Let me tell you a little about her. I've had her and her siblings in my home since March. I won't go in to ALL the issues this sibling group has, it's too long, but I'll tell you that this little one has SEVERE attachment disorder (she's a leech!), and has to have constant attention. She's been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) as well.

But the issue that is driving me insane is the fact that she is peeing and pooping in her pants! This all started around Christmas time when her family gave her a picture of Mommy. Ever since she either just doesn't WIPE her bottom after going to the bathroom, or she just doesn't even GO to the bathroom. She has pooped her pants three times, peed her pants once, and I can't even count how often she isn't wiping. It is SO disgusting!

And when we yell at her or put her in a time out for doing this. (See she DIDN'T do this before, so we know she can control it...it's ALL a control issue)... she zones out on us. Her eyes get this glassy look and she just disappears. I have no idea if she hears any of our ranting, but my guess is that she doesn't.

I just don't know what to do to get her to stop pooping. We've resorted to putting her in pull ups from about 6 pm until morning because that is when she honestly has the most issues. Any suggestions?

Introducing Me

2006-01-03T09:52:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone,

This is my first attempt at blogging, so I have no idea if I'm even doing this correctly. But here goes. My name is Anna, and I am the mother/foster mother to six children. Yes you read correctly...I have six kids. Sometimes I look around at my life just ask myself "What was I thinking?" Other times I look around and just laugh at how full my life has become. These kids can bring so much joy to the house; and at other times they make me want to pull my hair out and run screaming into the bathroom for a three hour bath!

Anyways, I'm going to see what happens when I publish this post. Depending on that, I guess I'll either post more, or figure out what I'm doing wrong!