I Want A Baby

As I have posted many times before, I'm a mommy and foster mommy to six children. Well I don't have enough kids. I want a BABY. Not a toddler, not a school-ager - I want a baby baby. One small enough to keep me up in the middle of the night and one I can mold into a miniature version of myself.

But I don't think I'm going to get my wish. Yes I have the room in my house for another child - barely. *hehe* Actually my husband would say we don't have the room. We live in a three bedroom (four now that we turned our front room into a bedroom) house out in the country. But we have a huge great room and our bedroom is nice size. We could easily fit a baby crib in there and still have room to move around.

I just don't think my social worker is going to give me another baby with the children I have in my home right now. We aren't sure exactly what is wrong with B my four year old foster son. He definately has PTSD, Communications Disorder, and some type of Neurological Disorder. He is definately a handful, and I find myself wanting to pull my hair out more often than not! But he can be super sweet too. Then there is D, my five year old foster daughter. She also has PTSD and Attachment Disorder. She is constantly THERE - you know? So with all these issues, my social worker doesn't really want to give me another baby. But I still WANT one. And she promised me if I put walls up in the front room that she'd get me one. Well the walls are up, but still no baby.

We can't have a baby on our own. My husband had cancer in high school and can't have children. Well we have a 3% chance of getting pregnant through invertro fertilization; BUT we have an 80% chance of miscarry due to fractured dna. *Sigh* And I'm willing to take that chance to have a baby, but Matt just isn't there yet. Plus we really don't have the $10,000 it would cost to TRY...

And I'd love to adopt again, but I don't want to go out of the states to do it. And again, I don't have the $14,000 it would cost to adopt. But I really really want another baby.

I have friends who think I'm absolutely crazy to want more children. They say aren't six kids enough? But they aren't! For one, three of the children in my home are just long term foster care. They aren't adoptable. And there is just something about holding a little one that makes me crave it...